4/4/16 My Monologues & Musings :
Cenacle (Part 2) Musings of Thomas
“I had gone out to run some errands as well as to feel the pulse of religio-political life in the city. When I got back I was astounded to hear the news about Appearance of the Lord to our group. They were all amazed and happy to have experienced the the presence of the Risen Lord.
Sure, I was happy too.
But….
I really felt unlucky and hurt as I wasn't there to see him. I just loved to have had at least a glimpse of my Master.
Oh, No!
I just can't imagine the Master appearing to our group when I was out!
Why wasn't he there before I had gone out?
Or he could have appeared when I got back.
Am I so unlucky to have missed him?
I am very sure that he didn't do it on purpose.
He didn't deliberately pick the time of my absence to make his appearance.
Because,
He had no grounds to have any grouse against me.
I didn't betray him as Judas did!
I didn't disown him as Peter did!
On the other, it was me who encouraged my companions to accompany him to Bethany even if it meant getting killed!
It would have made me happy,
had my Master a left a message that he missed me and he would be back hoping to see me.
So I did pour out my complaints.
i did pout.
I was, in a sense, very childish in insisting that I wouldn't believe in his resurrection appearance to my companions until I see him and touch him for myself!
Oh boy, looking back,
sure I was immature, emotional and ill-tempered indeed!
Oh, My Lord and My God,
How much you love to have put up with my outbursts.
When you appeared again you could have scolded me and could have expressed your disgust over my silly, childish behaviour, right?
You could have told me that you expected much for from me!
You could have expressed your impatience with me.
But you never showed any annoyance.
When appeared again you called me and treated me like child and asked me to have my wish fulfilled!
You did cater to my whims and fancies!
I just couldn’t believe my eyes and ears!
Oh, boy!
How immense is your patience with me!
How unconditional is your love for me!
My Lord and My God!”
Dear Apostle Thomas,
Thank you very much for the musings from your heart.
You know what?
In similar situations I have boasted of having got my wishes granted.
But unilke me,
You just melted away in the immense patient love you experienced from the Lord and you just cried out:
“My Lord and My God!”
Dear Jesus, My Lord and My God,
You have been patient with me not just three plus years as you did with your disciples!
You have been patient with me for the last seventy years or so.
You have been very patient with me as a prodigal priest for last forty plus years,
Haven't you?
Thank you,
My Lord and My God!
Dear Jesus, the Risen Lord,
I bring before you:
Everyone of my loved ones.
Everyone of my enemies who were and are.
Everyone who loves as well as hates me.
Everyone whom I love and whom i hate.
Everyone who helps me and who don't.
Everyone whom i have lead astray.
Everyone who is sick and needs healing.
Everyone who is in despair and needs hope.
Every priest who is in need of prayers.
Everyone who has met with me!
Oh, Jesus, My Lord and My God,
I thank You,
I thank the Father,
I thank the Spirit,
For Your Unsolicited gift of life for me!
For Your Uncountable blessings for me!
For Your Unlimited Patience with me!
For Your Untold Forgiveness for me!
For Your Unflinching faith in me!
For Your Unfailing Hope in me!
For Your Unconditional Love of me!
Amen
JoAchen
Monday 4th April 2016
These Reflections are neither pure scientific exegesis nor are they any highly theological explanations. They are a sort of devotional musings and monologues mainly meant for my personal renewal and spiritual growth. They are a part of my journaling as a Prodigal Priest trying to make my pilgrimage back to the Home of our Heavenly Father. As I keep holding you in my prayers and I request you to include me in yours. Thank you
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