49 My Monologues : The Elder Son & The Elder Brother (Lk 25)

49 My Monologues : The Elder Son & the Elder Brother (Lk 15 )

Dear Friend,

You look so familiar.

You think very similar

You sound so familiar.

You speak very similar.

There is so much of you in me.

There is much of me in you

We have much in common.

You know, my friend,

Years ago, as a young and ambitious seminarian and even as a young priest,  whenever I read your story

and thought of you, there was much anger

welling up in me.

I was angry with you and with the way you pouted and puffed up about the celebrations over the homecoming of your prodigal brother.

How mean you, I thought.

But the more I keep reflecting on you,

it dawns on me that the anger I felt towards you, in fact, was and is directed to that part of me which often reacts like you!

I am happy and honored to listen to your musings about yourself......

The monologues of the Elder Son....

"Ever Since I can remember, my younger brother was a bundle of energy and he was always up and about...

always busy in doing something.

He was also very spontaneous in his emotions...very talkative...very outgoing...he used to laugh loud..

He was a fun guy to be with and had lots friends...

He would often hang around with them...

He would jump into any situation.

My brother would always catch and get the attention of others.

He would keep pestering until he gets what he wants.

Yet he was no pest..

But as he stepped into his teenage years,  he was becoming increasingly aggressive in his wants and demands...

He was increasingly impatient with father...

Often he expressed his wish to move out and have life of his own...

He kept complaining that he felt suffocated at home in the presence of his father and all the rest of us..

He used to lose his cool even on flimsy grounds..

So we all had to walk on the  eggshells..

Day by day he was getting adamant to have his share of the ancestral property even as our father was alive.

As per our Jewish traditions the sons can have the ancestral property only after the death of the father...

But he wanted it right away....

Nothing would and nobody could change his mind...

Finally with a heavy heart our father gave in and yielded to his request and gave his younger son his share of the ancestral property!

I just didn’t like at all the way my father yielded to the unusual and adamant demands of his son.

He should have refused...

He should have told him to wait until his death.

He shouldn't have given in so easily.

Was he afraid of his younger son.

I would have stood by my father and protected him from the onslaught of his younger son.

His younger son brought shame on our family and on himself!

I am ashamed of him.

I hate him!

I just can't stand him.

I  too could have asked for my share.

But I didn't. Instead I went everyday to work in field and on the farm.

I am a dutiful son causing no heartache to my father and family.

After having squandered all the inherited wealth he inherited now he is pretending repentance ...

It's all a show and a sham.

His show if repentance and seeking of forgiveness is because he has no other option...

He has nowhere to go and no one to turn to. He knew fully well that he could buy off his father with his tears!

My father is so simple that he falls for all the crocodile  tears of his younger son.

I told him so and I refused to be a part of being taken for a ride by his younger son. My father can keep on pleading with me..

i shall not budge!

I complained to my father that he cared little for me!

Despite being so upright in work and duty bound it wasn't acknowledged, ...

I wasn't appreciated...

What sort of a father is he?....

I just don't want to join the Celebrations. .

I don't want even see his prodigal son...

Why should my father show so much compassion and accept him back and rehabilitate him in the family?

I just fret and fume with all drama of the father and younger son.

Let them celebrate..."

Thank you, friend, for pouring your heart out..

Yes, you feel really let down and not given sufficient attention.

You feel ignored and unacknowledged and hurt..

Sooner than later, as your hurt feelings subside, I am sure you will be to accept and reconcile with yourself and with your father and brother.

In the meantime, let me share with you a piece of my mind and heart.

After having been a priest for forty plus years, I often feel unhappy, angry like you. Sure, I have had more than my share failures, grievous ones.

A good many times I have tried to be a dutiful priest. But when acknowledgment and appreciation don't come along I keep  grumbling...

I entertain grouse feelings..

I sulk ...

At times I feel miserably empty. .

I feel often unable to forgive others as your  father forgave his younger son...

When I see others forgive the guilty I just can't stand as you did....

A good many times I can't relate to others.

I see that you couldn't call the younger son of your father as your own younger brother,right?

That's often the case with me..

I just can't connect with my fellow brothers and sisters.

I often compare myself with others whom I dispose and place myself in a much better light! ....

Just as you did compare yourself with your brother, I keep doing the same.

Like you, I too keep a count of the good things I do and then keep comparing and bargaining with others.

So dear friend, as I  said at the start,

we have lot in common,  right?

I don't think you stood outside for ever refusing the request of your father to enter your own home.

I do think your father wore you out and finally you did go with him into the house where you reconciled with your younger brother, right?

Dear Jesus, My Lord and My God,

Thank you for narrating the story of the 'Prodigal Son'.

Yes, both the brothers are within myself.

I need to reconcile both of them.

I want to make the best of both and minus their negatives.

Dear Jesus, you been repeatedly welcoming me back when I return to you in repentance.

As you know, I have / a Prodigal Son, and Prodigal Priest,  not just once but many more times.

Every time I came back you did receive me with your loving and merciful forgiveness.

Thank you, Lord of mercy and compass!

My Lord and My God,

I want to spent some time in silence in your presence and relish on the forgiveness you have showering on me...

Thank you, Lord!

Amen

JoAchen

Sunday, 28th June, 2015

Dear Reader,
These Reflections are neither pure scientific exegesis nor are they any highly theological explanations. These are my devotional meditations mainly meant for my  personal renewal and spiritual growth. They are a part of the journaling of a 'Prodigal Priest' on my Pilgrimage to the Home of our Heavenly Father.

You are welcome to share them with me.
Dear Reader, I keep holding you in my prayers and I request you to include me in yours.

I plan on uploading a Reflection each on 7th, 14th, 21st, and on the 28th of every month.
Thank you!

48 My Monologues : A Father's Day Prayer

48 My Monologues: A Father's Day Prayer

Oh, my Heavenly Father,
Thank you for bringing me into this world through my loving Parents who are now with you in heaven.

On this Father's Day, I gratefully remember them especially my father.
Oh, my loving and caring father while you were with us here on earth you did work hard to provide for me and ti protect me.
Thank you !!! a million times.
May you, along with my mother  continue to enjoy your well deserved Eternal Rest!
With lists of fond memories!
Your son!
Oh, the Loving and Compassionate Heavenly Father, continue to bless and protect
all the fathers,   
especially the ones who find life difficult.
May they experience your loving, strengthening, comforting, and caring presence in their lives!
Amen

47 My Monologues : The Prodigal Son ( Lk 15 )

47 My Monologues: The Prodigal Son ( Lk 15 )

"Oh, No!

How haughty have I been in my thinking!

How arrogant have I been in my talking!

How cruel have I been in my behaving!

How adamant have been in my demands!

This was me a few months ago, wild indeed, i was a mini monster! a raving rascal!

A bull headed boy bullying his father  

A stubborn teenager wanting his ways!

I kept on pestering and nagging my father

To part with my share of inheritance.

I was fed up with the routine farm life.

I felt no more at home living with my father.

As I sit here in the stinking pig sty trying

to stuff my starving stomach with pig's pod, My mind flashbacked to my childhood days.

To my sweet home, to my parents, brother.

That was the time when I enjoyed my home.

Where I felt the warmth of parental love.

There was fun and frolic, laughter and joy.

There was parental pats and corrections.

Active I was, outgoing and outspoken I was,

Adventurous I was, full of life and zest I was, My Father loved me and very caring he was,

He dreamed big for me, proud of me he was.

Slowly i got changed, changed for worse.

I became moody, easily annoyed, agitated.

I was grumbling and complaining often

I wasn't even aware of my wayward ways!

Once a sweet home I turned it into a hell.

No more laughter, no more joyous gathering

I went around spitting spiteful mouthfuls.

I was possessed by arrogance and anger.

I was obsessed with a single minded urge,

An urge to escape from the confinement of

Dos, don'ts, and of everyday stale routine

In my obsessive thoughts,I wanted to be out

My rebellious ego seemingly felt my Hitherto tender father turning tyrannical.

Everyone seemed to be against me.

I was becoming a sort of paranoid!

Oh, free at last! I felt finally free!

When my father yielded to my demand!

As he partitioned the ancestral inheritance

And gave my share, I felt  finally free!

Finally I got what I wanted and off I went

Triumphant and boastful, I went

Feeling free and emboldened, I went

Wanting and vowing never to return, I went.

With funds unlimited, fiends flocked,

Fun galore, pleasures and partying plenty,

Never had it so good, never was I so happy!

I thought the fun-filled days are for ever.

As money diminished friends disappeared

Not a penny to spend even for a meager meal

Hungry I was, famished I became,

Lonely i was, abandoned I felt.

Job I found in a piggery to work, me a Jew!

Pangs of hunger forced me to feed on the Pod of pigs, even that was scarce!

Thought of the servants at home, the food!

What have I become? Why am I here?

How did I end up as miserable as I am?

Who could I blame except my very Self?

For my sorry state and for my sordid tale!

Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima Culpa!

It's my fault, my fault, my grievous fault?

I will get up and go back and tell my father

Father, I have sinned!

Went I back, with a guilt-ridden conscience,

With a heavy heart, with restless mind

Expecting severe scolding and zero sympathy,

From a deeply hurt father and family.

Seeing me from afar, my Father came  rushing to me, hugged me, kissed me!

With tear filled eyes, choking with emotion

My Father neither scolded nor blamed me!

Oh, my Father,

How could you have forgiven me?

Forgiven me so totally, so unconditionally?

How could you have forgiven me?ò

Forgiven me without any hurt feelings?

Oh, my Father,

You never scolded me when I came back!

You never punished for my wayward ways.

I did expect it as I did deserve every bit!

As I am guilty, guilty to the core

Oh, my Father,

Instead of scolding me, punishing me,

You clothed me with the best of robes

You placed a ring on my finger,

You made me wear sandals!

Oh, my Father,

How could you erase all those painful Memories of all the awful things that

I said and did to you, those unkind words

And ungrateful deeds wounding your heart!

Oh, my Father,

How deep must have been your love me!

Despite hurting you so deep and so bad,

You continue to love me unconditionally

Your all forgiving love amazes me!

Oh, my Father,

I was lost in my own selfish world

I was caught up in my myopic world,

I was blinded by my own arrogance.

So I was unable to savor your love

Oh, my Father,

Thank you for being my Father,

Thank you for forbearing love

Thank you for your forgiving love

Thank you for continuing to love me.

Oh, my Father,

May all the fathers on earth be like you!

May all the sons on earth be unlike me!

May all the fathers on earth have a very

Happy  Father's Day!"

Dear loving Jesus,

Thank you for sharing the story

Thank you for reminding me of the

Unconditional love the Heavenly Father

Who keeps forgiving me on and on!

Dear loving Jesus,

Thank you for giving me own father!

As you know, I too have hurt my father

Dear loving father, thank you for loving me

Despite my repeated hurting behaviours

You kept on loving me! Thank you!

Wish you a very very Happy Father's Day

Up in heaven above!

Dear loving Jesus,

I have sinned against the A Loving Father

Over and again I have run away from Him!

I want to keep returning every time I do so,

Until the day I stay with you for ever!

Dear Jesus,  My Lord and My God,

I want spend some time in silence in your presence thanking:

You, the Father and and the Spirit!

For your unlimited, unconditional live

for me. Amen

JoAchen

Sunday, 21st June, 2015

Dear Reader,
These Reflections are neither pure scientific exegesis nor are they any highly theological explanations. These are my devotional meditations mainly meant for my  personal renewal and spiritual growth. They are a part of the journaling of a 'Prodigal Priest' on my Pilgrimage to the Home of our Heavenly Father.

You are welcome to share them with me.
Dear Reader, I keep holding you in my prayers and I request you to include me in yours.

I plan on uploading a Reflection each on 7th, 14th, 21st, and on the 28th of every month.
Thank you!

46 My Monologues: Father of the Prodigal Son (Lk 15)

"It was agonizingly shocking for me to hear my younger son demanding his share of the ancestral property of the family...

I just couldn't believe my ears..

I couldn't imagine my younger son would make such an uncommon demand.

As per our age old Jewish traditions the ancestral land is passed on to the sons

only after the death of their father.  

I don't know how and why my son could make such an uncommon demand!

I don't know what's wrong with him.

As far as I know he has been rather a happy kid.

He was very active, outgoing, and adventurous.

How could he be so cut and dry?

How could he be so blind and brutal in his demand?

Did he mean that he was impatient with me that I am still alive?

Did he mean that he just couldn't wait until my death so as to have his share of inheritance?

Doesn't he know that's the way things are done in our Jewish culture and community?

Did I become such an unbearable burden for him?

I always thought of myself as a good Abba!

Sure, I don't claim to be an ideal Dad.

Sure, I was strict but never a dictator!

Sure, many a times I had been very, very accommodative of the opinions and the wishes of my sons.

Where have I gone wrong in bringing up my boys?

What have I done to alienate my sons from me?

It pains me to know my younger son preferred to leave me rather than to live with me!

I thought he would get married and move out and settle on his own which is the normal thing.

I could have refused to give in to his demands as it would have been perfectly within my rights.

Well, I was tempted to do so and toyed with the idea of refusing his request.

But better sense prevailed..

I did yield to his demand inviting even ridicule from other elders.

Though I was certain that my son is making a big mistake nothing would convince him.

Though with great anguish I gave him his share of the inheritance.

But,

I was hopeful.

I was optimistic.

I was almost certain he would realize the folly and would return sooner or later.

That's why I was waiting for him and spotted him from far off as he came back.

It was a painful waiting..

It was a patient waiting..

It was a waiting without a fixed schedule.

I did toy with idea to go after him....

in search him..

or send my servants to look for him..

Some of my friends did suggest me to do so..

But once again better sense prevailed..

Had I gone after him, he would have gone further way and would have hardened his resolve never to return,

Thus losing him for good.

Though I lost the initial war and have my son to savor the initial victory,

I was certain, in the end, we both will win!

That's why, I didn't have any grudge, any retaliatory, vengeful feelings towards him.

That's why I didn't negatively react when came.

That's why I didn't scold him when returned. That's why I didn't turn him away when returned.

That's why I didn't cold shoulder him.

I could have given him a mouthful venting out all of my hurt feelings.

But didn’t.

I am glad my son learned the hard way.

I am happy that he realized his mistakes and came back.

I am happy that he asked for forgiveness and pardon.

In fact, his homecoming reminded of the follies of my youthful days!

As I had learned from my past mistakes,

I am glad my son too did so.

Well, it's a quite different story about my elder son!

He too gave me a shock as he refused to accept his repentant brother.

For what and why on earth, was he so dutiful and hardworking?

Why did he get up everyday early in the morning and go to work?

Did he enjoy his work and his life?

What was that he wanted to prove to himself?

Or was he starving for approval from others?

It really pains me to see his emptiness,

his anger, his envy, his insecurity,

and his disconnectedness.

While his brother who had left home came back and re entered his home,

He who had never left home refused to enter his own home and defiantly stood right in front of the house.

I could have waited for him to come in

as I did wait for his brother.

But I knew very well it wasn't easy for him 'to come to his senses'.

So I went out to him..

I pleaded with him..

I persuaded him..

To come in and

Share the Celebrations!

I kept on reassuring him,

'son, all that I have is yours and you will always be with me.'

So far I haven't been able to persuade him to come and join the Celebrations...

But I am in no mood to give up on my elder son..

I have the patience to wait..

I have the optimism to depend..

I know for certain:

My elder son too will

'come to his senses'

I am sure and certain someday

My elder son will realize that:

I am a caring and concerned father,

I am there ever ready to forgive..

I am there ever ready to pardon..

I am there ever ready to wait for my children to return home...

And I shall gladly wait as long as it takes..

Until all of us are at home and celebrating."

Yes,my sons do  help me to keep reminding myself:

I need to keep growing..

I need to keep experiencing:

'the growing pains'

even as I grow old.

Oh, the Father of both the younger and the elder sons,

Thank you for inspiring me,

With your personal Monologues.

Thank you for inspiring me,

With your farsighted generosity in allowing your younger son to have his way and make his share of mistakes.

Thank you for inspiring me,

With your unlimited patience to wait for his return.

Thank you for inspiring me,

With your enduring optimism.

Thank you for inspiring me,

With your unconditional welcoming of your younger son.

Thank you for inspiring me,

With your unrelenting pleading with your elder son.

Thank you for inspiring me,

Above all with your genuine caring paternal love.

All these qualities you share with your sons

make me marvel at you!

You are and will ever be an enduring inspiration for me and for many!

Oh,boy,don't me too need to keep growing?

Thank you!

Wish you a very Happy Father's Day!

Memories of my own father gushes into my mind.

Oh, my Father,

My earliest memory of you revolves around a summer vacation of my childhood days.

It was in an early May or so.

During a summer vacation one of my uncles had come and taken me to his house where my grandparents were living. After a week or so you came to take me back.    

Oh, my Father,

I still remember you coming in an afternoon while I was playing with my cousins and wanted to take me back.

But I didn't want to leave them.  

Then you took me aside and gave me a One Rupee Silver coin and told me I could buy candies on my way back home.

I was thrilled to have the Silver coin as it meant a lot of money for a boy of six or so...

And thus you so carefully persuaded to come with you!

Oh, boy, you were smart, right, Father?

Oh, my Father,

Another memorable event where I  remember you was your presence for my Priestly Ordination. You had to travel one night and two days by railroad covering a distance of over a thousand kilometers (six hundred hundred plus miles) to reach our seminary where the Ordination Ceremony was held.

It was the first and last time you travelled so far away from our home, right?

I still picture you sitting in the front row!

Oh,  my Father,

Yet another cherished memory of you were  the very personal, affectionate letters you wrote me while as a young priest I was studying Sacred Scriptures in Rome.

I have read them over and over especially the ones you very movingly described about the day I was born, about the death of my sick, ailing mother and your soulmate.

We were together just for forty one days!

Then she left us for heaven, right, Father?

I have laminated those letters you had sent  and treasure them. Along with it I have as souvenirs your Wedding Shawl ,your pocketknife, and a few currency notes and changes you had left behind in shelf.

I do treasure them....

Oh, my Father,

The last and lasting memory of you was your Final days...

Your final days were in the hospital.

On a Christmas Evening you were taken to the hospital. As we were there by your , right after the New Year was born you died.  

Now both of you my parents are together in heaven.

You and your soul mate are together  up O  heaven.

Someday i shall join you to be together heaven,

Never ever to be separated again!

Oh, my Father, thank you for all that you been for me...

Thank you!

Happy  Father's Day!

Oh, dear Jesus, My Lord and My God,

Thank you for telling the story of the Father of the Prodigal Son!

While narrating the story you had in mind your own Father, right?

You and your Father had perfect harmony and understanding, didn't you?

You and your Father are one in unison!

Oh, dear Jesus,  My Lord and My God,

Thank you for giving me my Father.

Bless all the Father's who are alive with you up in heaven and who alive here on earth with their loved ones.

May all those Fathers who are alive on earth be happy, healthy, and live long!

May they all have a:

Very Happy Father's Day!

Oh, dear Jesus, My Lord and My God,

I would love to spend some time in silence in your presence gratefully remembering your Father in Heaven as well as my Father

somewhere there in the same place!

Glory be to the Father......

Amen

JoAchen

Sunday 14th June, 2015

my-monologoues.blogspot.in

Dear Reader,
These Reflections are neither pure scientific exegesis nor are they any highly theological explanations. These are my devotional meditations mainly meant for my  personal renewal and spiritual growth. They are a part of the journaling of a 'Prodigal Priest' on my Pilgrimage to the Home of our Heavenly Father.

You are welcome to share them with me.
Dear Reader, I keep holding you in my prayers and I request you to include me in yours.

I plan on uploading a Reflection each on 7th, 14th, 21st, and on the 28th of every month.
Thank you!