82/16 My Monologues & Musings : (Jn 12:20-26) “I tell you the truth

82/16 My Monologues & Musings : (Jn 12:20-26)24  

“I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. 25The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.”(Jn 12 :24-25)

Dear Jesus,

Yes, though the truth about loving one's life and losing it is very true indeed!

Yet often the sad truth about me is:

I am very often inclined to love my life!

I do often:

I keep loving and holding on to my life.

I keep clinging to it so selfishly,

I keep hanging on to my selfish wishes.

I keep clinging on to my over blown ego.

I keep stoking the fire of my hate.

I keep fanning the flame of my anger.

I keep simmering my jealousy and envy.

Dear Jesus,

By keep doing all the above,

I keep on living in the illusion of loving my life.

But all the while, you keep reminding me:

by lovingly my life I lose it!

How smugingly foolish am l!

How blissfully naive am I!

I have made costly mistakes due to my skewed understanding of loving myself!

Dear Jesus,

Though I have been trying to correct this skewed understanding,

Even after being a priest forty plus years

I continue fall back into same cesspool of costly mistakes causing much shock and grief to many.

Dear Jesus,

Almost every second thought I entertain is how to attain my selfish goals!

As a priest, I get preoccupied with the thoughts of collecting as much attention as possible!

That's part of me, Lord!

You know me, through and through,

Don’t you, Lord?

Dear Jesus,  

I very much want both be aware of it and want to work on it!

I want to learn to lose my life so as to gain as per your vision and wish for me.

Oh, Jesus, My Lord and My God,

I thank You,

I thank the Father,

I thank the Spirit,

For Your Unsolicited gift of life for me!

For Your Uncountable blessings for me!

For Your Unlimited Patience with me!

For Your Untold Forgiveness for me!

For Your Unflinching faith in me!

For Your Unfailing Hope in me!

For Your Unconditional Love of me!

Amen

JoAchen

Joachenmonologues@gmail.com

Tuesday, 22nd March, 2016

These Reflections are neither pure scientific exegesis nor are they any highly theological explanations. They are a sort of devotional musings and monologues mainly meant for my personal renewal and spiritual growth. They are a part of my journaling as a Prodigal Priest trying to make my pilgrimage back to the Home of our Heavenly Father. As I keep holding you in my prayers and I request you to include me in yours. Thank you!