My Monologues 7
The Paralyzed by the Pool Side
(Jn 5)
O, my brother, I do really feel sorry for you! For the last thirty eight years you have been lying there paralyzed by the pool side, right?
So long a time!!!!
When they brought you to the pool for the first time, you could have been either a baby or more than an year old or a teenager, or even an adult. You might have got paralyzed either due to an accident or on account of an illness or even by birth.
Right now, all these details are immaterial.
The sad and shameful fact is no one helped you to get into the pool, though you were lying there that long. With so many pilgrims coming and going, no one really cared to help you, right? It must have really pained you.
My brother, you might have thought to yourself, how could people be so callous and insensitive?
"The world doesn't care!", isn't so?
Haven't you heard of the story of the Rich man and Lazarus which the very same Lord who healed you had narrated at one time?
Yes, there are people, including myself, who are unconcerned about their fellow humans.
I do empathise with you and with your feeling of helplessness.
On the other hand, my brother, is it not possible that the people around the pool may not have deliberately declined your request for help. All those who came to the miraculous pool had their own worries and sickness. They were concerned about themselves and their illness or that of their loved ones. They too came to the pool for getting healed. So they were busy with themselves and got lost in their own world of worries. Some of them must have been there to assist their own sick ones to get into the pool and really had no time for others. It is also possible, they just didn't notice you enough so as to give you a helping hand.
Whatever the case may be, my brother, you had no one to help, right? Though you were so close to the Temple which is the holiest Sanctuary for Jewish believers, where pilgrims flock, there you were feeling lonely, alone, and ignored in the midst of praying pilgrims and a milling crowed!
All on a sudden, out of the blue, Jesus came, passing by. As He spotted you, He took time to learn about your sickness. Earnestly wishing to help you, He asked you that simple, straight forward question,
"Do you want get well?"
On another occasion, when Jesus had asked somewhat a similar question to Bartimeus, the blind man, his answer was,
"Of course, I want see."
I thought for a moment, that you too could have answered likewise, right, my brother?
But you did not!
Instead, you went on venting your frustration and helplessness as no one had come forward to help you to get into the miraculous pool. Very poignantly, you painted before Him a pathetic picture of yourself. You must have run this tape many a times to several people, right? And as a result you must have got some sympathy from those who heard you. My brother, you must have kept blaming the people around you and the society at large.
You might have thought for yourself something on the similar lines,
"There is no one to help me!
I am helpless!
I am resigned to my present pathetic plight!
I can't do much.
The world around me doen't care", right?
Slowly, but steadly, my brother, your enthusiasm to seek help and get well might have given away to disappointent. And you began to loose the hope of getting well. You might simply have felt resigned to your paralized state. It is quite possible that you began to feel at home being paralized, right?
Being sick brought you a number of benefits such as:
You didn't have to work or take on any responsibility,
You could have also gotten lots of sympathy and other material helps like food, money etc. isn't so? It brings in easy income!
My brother you could have thought to yourself something like,
"After thirty eight years, where am I? How am I to start a new life? If I were to go home, who all will there be? Will they accept me? Won't I be a burden to them? Things will be different even at home. Have I the energy to start all over again? I am afraid, I don't! Now that I am used to this way of life, I am happy and content. Here around the pool, though paralized, I am in control! Once I am healed and am healthy, how could I wallow up in self-pity? How could I keep telling others it is their fault that I am in this mess! Going home after thirty eight years, I would totally be out of place and I won't be in control of myself."
Similar fears and uncertainties could have overwhelmed you, right?
My brother, you began to take shelter behind your sickness. I guess, slowly, but steadily, you stopped bothering to seek healing and ceased to long for a healthier life. Your initial hope and optimism was on the wane. Instead, you began to feel comfortable as a paralized lying by the pool side, right? You might have begun to wallow in self-pity. You settled down to be complacent.
If you were to be healed, all the so called present securities could be lost.
Probably, due to these and similar reasons, you did not give a direct answer to the question:
"Do you want to get well?"
My brother, it is easy to pick on you, as I have been doing till now.
But I do empathise with you. To a great extend, I am able to identify with you in your predicament as I myself have behaved just like you, running away from the stark realities of life. I have tried several times to hide myself behind my weakness or sickness. Many a times, I was afraid of changing and was unwilling to admit my failures to myself and to others. Often enough, I have been a coward and have camouflaged myself as an abandoned and helpless victim of human neglect. Subsequently, I started finding comfort in my sickness and weakness.
And thus I could keep on harping my plight and continue blaming the rest of the world for all my miseries. Yes, my brother, it Is very difficult indeed to get rid of our codependent behavior patterns, right?
l like to share with you a couple of my fleeing from realities of life as it would certainly help me in my healing process.
Years ago, as a seminarian, I had a tendency to dodge working on the farm or in the garden. As per the Seminary Time Table everyday there was an hour of work which was named as Manual Labour. Many a times I used to exaggerate my aches and pains and pretend sick just to avoid Manual Labour. The Rector was a good old Irish Dominican, a very fatherly priest who initially believed me. Later on, gently but firmly, he confronted me and corrected me.
On another occasion, as a young priest, I was posted in a minor seminary as a teacher. The seminary had an German car, a Volkswagen Beetle, brought along by some of our pioneering and hardworking German missionaries. Sure, I was fascinated and fond of it and loved and longed to drive it rather than riding a bike. (Remember, in those days, thirty plus or so years ago, a car was considered a luxury.) I kept on complaining about a very minor back pain so as to avoid using the bike. I did it on account of my fascination to drive around the Beetle!
And I did!
O, my brother, you don't know how ingenious I could be!
You might have noticed that I kept calling you, "my brother". I did it as I have much in common with you! I guess many a times, our ways are similar in facing or dodging life. I have been acting and reacting somewhat like you. I find much of you in me!
Meaning well for you, Jesus odered you to get up and walk and thus forcefully putting an end to a thirty eight year long wait!
My brother, you never ever expected this, did you? I guess you were caught off guard and was shell shocked! You did not express any sign of happiness of being healed, right?
Strange indeed!
Unlike some of those who were healed, you never seemed to have jumped around in joy, did you? You didn't even care to thank the One who healed you. It is odd that you didn't even care to find out the name of the One who healed you! Later on, when some of the Jewish religious leaders wanted to question the One who healed you on a Sabbath and when they asked you for His name, you just didn't know, right? And eventually when you came to know His name , you went back to them and did pass His name on to the very same people who wanted to question Him! If you really cared and were sincerely grateful to the One who healed you, you would been more than eager to warn Him of His adversaries and you would have encouraged Him to get away from them. Instead, you passed on His name, thereby wanting Him to be caught! How come that you were so ungrateful to the One who healed of your thirty eight year old infirmity? You were not only ungrateful but also you were somewhat hateful towards Him! You wished Him to be caught and cross-examined, right? You betrayed the One who healed you of your paralysis! It is like biting very the hand that feeds. Sorry, your act of betrayal reminds that of Judas.
Sad indeed!
But, my brother, on several occasions, I too have behaved like you. I am no different from you. I have turned hostile to those who have helped me. Years ago, as a young and ambitious priest, I did this to one of my superiors who had even recruited me as a teenager. I joined others to criticise him publicly for a just cause. Though it was for the right reasons, I also had an axe to grinde! It could have been avoided. He was deeply hurt. Though he has forgiven me, even today I regret and feel sorry for it.
Yes, my brother, if someone were to tamper with our protective shell, we would fiercely fight back, right? I would hit back vehemently and do so with vengeance! Yes, my brother, me too would have betrayed the Lord. It is so difficult to change oneself.
Jesus, my Lord, that's me!
I have been partially paralized not just for thirty eight years, but for the last near seventy years or so. With my partial paralysis, I have been officiating as a priest, performing as a pastor, conducting myself as a teacher and what not! I kept on resisting to do something about my paralytic ways. I have functioned often with the bare minimum required! Many a times I loved to be a slouch and as a result my performance has been sloppy.
Jesus, my Lord, I have often wondered about the stern warning you meted out to the healed paralytic.You commanded him not to sin anymore or else something worse could befall on him!
Lord, what sort of a sin had you in mind, which he has been kept on committing? Wan't he paralized for the last thirty eight years? Remember, he coudn't even move on his own and get himself into the pool which may have been just a few feet away. Could someone, who is lying paralized in a crowded place, could he have committed murder or theft or adultery or any such grievous sins? It is hard to imagine someone doing so.
Then what was that so serious a sin that the paralized man kept on committing which required such a stern warning from You?
Was it his failures or fears or unwillingness to face life with its responsibilities?
Was it his addiction to dodge life?
Was it his consistant abuse of the goodness and charity of the others?
Was it his continued exploitation of the so called benefits of being sick?
Was it his successful hiding behind the mask of paralysis?
May be any of these or all of these, right?
I don't know!
Lord, if that is the case, You better sternly warn me too with the same seriousness, if not more!
Lord Jesus, do keep asking me too,
"Do you want to get well?"
Do it everyday to me.
Shake me off from my snobbish shelters.
Smoke me out from my unhealthy hiding behind my weakness and laziness. Whenever You shock me through painful experiences, help me to remind myself that it is your,
"Wake Up Call" for me.
Lord Jesus, The plain truth is:
very often I did not want get well.
But now, I want to change. Though difficult I want start anew, everyday anew.
Keep giving me everyday the Marching Orders to get up and carry my cot.
Lord Jesus, I too want to walk the new pathways of awareness and personal growth. I do not want any more:
either to be paralyzed
or to be crippled by my frailties and failures, or to be clinging on to my false defenses.
I do want to take up my cot and walk away from my lethargy, from my toxic fears, and from my false securities.From now on, I want to carry my cross and march towards a fuller and happier life even as I am in the last lap of my life.
Jesus, my Lord, it must have pained You much to see the prejudiced attitude of the 'Jews' who were always looking for a chance to pick on you. They just fail to appreciate the fact that a person who has been suffering for the last thirty eight years from paralysis has been healed. They only want to see the negatives. They seem not to know how to celebrate when something good happens.
Well, I am just one among them.
Oh, my dear self-righteous "Jews", you and me have much in common. Often enough, I tend to see only the negatives of others. Just as you all could not rejoice over the healing of a long paralized fellow Jew, I too, many a times, find it difficult to rejoice with others over the blessings they receive. As you felt threatened by the very presence and ministry of Jesus, me too have felt threatened by my fellow priests and others who do a better job than myself. Several times I have tried every trick of the trade to cut them to seize. I have been very vicious to them. I have felt very insecure even around their shadows!
Lord Jesus,
a part of me is a paralytic
and
a part of me is a "Jew
and
a part of me is still genuine.
Lord Jesus, as I am a real hard nut to crack, just command and carck me off from my protective shell of paralysis and prejudice so that I can increase and multiply the genuine side of me.
Amen
Lord Jesus, now I do want spend some time in silence in Your Presence...
.........
Speak to me Lord,
"Speak Lord, Your servant is listening!"
JoAchen
Thursday, August 28, 2014
PS
These Reflections are neither pure exegetical interpretations nor highly theological explanations. They are my devotional meditations mainly meant for my personal renewal and spiritual growth and thereby helping me to come closer to my God and to my fellow humans.
Thank you for reading them.
As i keep holding you in my daily prayers I request you to include me in yours.
Thank you,
JoAchen
The Paralyzed by the Pool Side
(Jn 5)
O, my brother, I do really feel sorry for you! For the last thirty eight years you have been lying there paralyzed by the pool side, right?
So long a time!!!!
When they brought you to the pool for the first time, you could have been either a baby or more than an year old or a teenager, or even an adult. You might have got paralyzed either due to an accident or on account of an illness or even by birth.
Right now, all these details are immaterial.
The sad and shameful fact is no one helped you to get into the pool, though you were lying there that long. With so many pilgrims coming and going, no one really cared to help you, right? It must have really pained you.
My brother, you might have thought to yourself, how could people be so callous and insensitive?
"The world doesn't care!", isn't so?
Haven't you heard of the story of the Rich man and Lazarus which the very same Lord who healed you had narrated at one time?
Yes, there are people, including myself, who are unconcerned about their fellow humans.
I do empathise with you and with your feeling of helplessness.
On the other hand, my brother, is it not possible that the people around the pool may not have deliberately declined your request for help. All those who came to the miraculous pool had their own worries and sickness. They were concerned about themselves and their illness or that of their loved ones. They too came to the pool for getting healed. So they were busy with themselves and got lost in their own world of worries. Some of them must have been there to assist their own sick ones to get into the pool and really had no time for others. It is also possible, they just didn't notice you enough so as to give you a helping hand.
Whatever the case may be, my brother, you had no one to help, right? Though you were so close to the Temple which is the holiest Sanctuary for Jewish believers, where pilgrims flock, there you were feeling lonely, alone, and ignored in the midst of praying pilgrims and a milling crowed!
All on a sudden, out of the blue, Jesus came, passing by. As He spotted you, He took time to learn about your sickness. Earnestly wishing to help you, He asked you that simple, straight forward question,
"Do you want get well?"
On another occasion, when Jesus had asked somewhat a similar question to Bartimeus, the blind man, his answer was,
"Of course, I want see."
I thought for a moment, that you too could have answered likewise, right, my brother?
But you did not!
Instead, you went on venting your frustration and helplessness as no one had come forward to help you to get into the miraculous pool. Very poignantly, you painted before Him a pathetic picture of yourself. You must have run this tape many a times to several people, right? And as a result you must have got some sympathy from those who heard you. My brother, you must have kept blaming the people around you and the society at large.
You might have thought for yourself something on the similar lines,
"There is no one to help me!
I am helpless!
I am resigned to my present pathetic plight!
I can't do much.
The world around me doen't care", right?
Slowly, but steadly, my brother, your enthusiasm to seek help and get well might have given away to disappointent. And you began to loose the hope of getting well. You might simply have felt resigned to your paralized state. It is quite possible that you began to feel at home being paralized, right?
Being sick brought you a number of benefits such as:
You didn't have to work or take on any responsibility,
You could have also gotten lots of sympathy and other material helps like food, money etc. isn't so? It brings in easy income!
My brother you could have thought to yourself something like,
"After thirty eight years, where am I? How am I to start a new life? If I were to go home, who all will there be? Will they accept me? Won't I be a burden to them? Things will be different even at home. Have I the energy to start all over again? I am afraid, I don't! Now that I am used to this way of life, I am happy and content. Here around the pool, though paralized, I am in control! Once I am healed and am healthy, how could I wallow up in self-pity? How could I keep telling others it is their fault that I am in this mess! Going home after thirty eight years, I would totally be out of place and I won't be in control of myself."
Similar fears and uncertainties could have overwhelmed you, right?
My brother, you began to take shelter behind your sickness. I guess, slowly, but steadily, you stopped bothering to seek healing and ceased to long for a healthier life. Your initial hope and optimism was on the wane. Instead, you began to feel comfortable as a paralized lying by the pool side, right? You might have begun to wallow in self-pity. You settled down to be complacent.
If you were to be healed, all the so called present securities could be lost.
Probably, due to these and similar reasons, you did not give a direct answer to the question:
"Do you want to get well?"
My brother, it is easy to pick on you, as I have been doing till now.
But I do empathise with you. To a great extend, I am able to identify with you in your predicament as I myself have behaved just like you, running away from the stark realities of life. I have tried several times to hide myself behind my weakness or sickness. Many a times, I was afraid of changing and was unwilling to admit my failures to myself and to others. Often enough, I have been a coward and have camouflaged myself as an abandoned and helpless victim of human neglect. Subsequently, I started finding comfort in my sickness and weakness.
And thus I could keep on harping my plight and continue blaming the rest of the world for all my miseries. Yes, my brother, it Is very difficult indeed to get rid of our codependent behavior patterns, right?
l like to share with you a couple of my fleeing from realities of life as it would certainly help me in my healing process.
Years ago, as a seminarian, I had a tendency to dodge working on the farm or in the garden. As per the Seminary Time Table everyday there was an hour of work which was named as Manual Labour. Many a times I used to exaggerate my aches and pains and pretend sick just to avoid Manual Labour. The Rector was a good old Irish Dominican, a very fatherly priest who initially believed me. Later on, gently but firmly, he confronted me and corrected me.
On another occasion, as a young priest, I was posted in a minor seminary as a teacher. The seminary had an German car, a Volkswagen Beetle, brought along by some of our pioneering and hardworking German missionaries. Sure, I was fascinated and fond of it and loved and longed to drive it rather than riding a bike. (Remember, in those days, thirty plus or so years ago, a car was considered a luxury.) I kept on complaining about a very minor back pain so as to avoid using the bike. I did it on account of my fascination to drive around the Beetle!
And I did!
O, my brother, you don't know how ingenious I could be!
You might have noticed that I kept calling you, "my brother". I did it as I have much in common with you! I guess many a times, our ways are similar in facing or dodging life. I have been acting and reacting somewhat like you. I find much of you in me!
Meaning well for you, Jesus odered you to get up and walk and thus forcefully putting an end to a thirty eight year long wait!
My brother, you never ever expected this, did you? I guess you were caught off guard and was shell shocked! You did not express any sign of happiness of being healed, right?
Strange indeed!
Unlike some of those who were healed, you never seemed to have jumped around in joy, did you? You didn't even care to thank the One who healed you. It is odd that you didn't even care to find out the name of the One who healed you! Later on, when some of the Jewish religious leaders wanted to question the One who healed you on a Sabbath and when they asked you for His name, you just didn't know, right? And eventually when you came to know His name , you went back to them and did pass His name on to the very same people who wanted to question Him! If you really cared and were sincerely grateful to the One who healed you, you would been more than eager to warn Him of His adversaries and you would have encouraged Him to get away from them. Instead, you passed on His name, thereby wanting Him to be caught! How come that you were so ungrateful to the One who healed of your thirty eight year old infirmity? You were not only ungrateful but also you were somewhat hateful towards Him! You wished Him to be caught and cross-examined, right? You betrayed the One who healed you of your paralysis! It is like biting very the hand that feeds. Sorry, your act of betrayal reminds that of Judas.
Sad indeed!
But, my brother, on several occasions, I too have behaved like you. I am no different from you. I have turned hostile to those who have helped me. Years ago, as a young and ambitious priest, I did this to one of my superiors who had even recruited me as a teenager. I joined others to criticise him publicly for a just cause. Though it was for the right reasons, I also had an axe to grinde! It could have been avoided. He was deeply hurt. Though he has forgiven me, even today I regret and feel sorry for it.
Yes, my brother, if someone were to tamper with our protective shell, we would fiercely fight back, right? I would hit back vehemently and do so with vengeance! Yes, my brother, me too would have betrayed the Lord. It is so difficult to change oneself.
Jesus, my Lord, that's me!
I have been partially paralized not just for thirty eight years, but for the last near seventy years or so. With my partial paralysis, I have been officiating as a priest, performing as a pastor, conducting myself as a teacher and what not! I kept on resisting to do something about my paralytic ways. I have functioned often with the bare minimum required! Many a times I loved to be a slouch and as a result my performance has been sloppy.
Jesus, my Lord, I have often wondered about the stern warning you meted out to the healed paralytic.You commanded him not to sin anymore or else something worse could befall on him!
Lord, what sort of a sin had you in mind, which he has been kept on committing? Wan't he paralized for the last thirty eight years? Remember, he coudn't even move on his own and get himself into the pool which may have been just a few feet away. Could someone, who is lying paralized in a crowded place, could he have committed murder or theft or adultery or any such grievous sins? It is hard to imagine someone doing so.
Then what was that so serious a sin that the paralized man kept on committing which required such a stern warning from You?
Was it his failures or fears or unwillingness to face life with its responsibilities?
Was it his addiction to dodge life?
Was it his consistant abuse of the goodness and charity of the others?
Was it his continued exploitation of the so called benefits of being sick?
Was it his successful hiding behind the mask of paralysis?
May be any of these or all of these, right?
I don't know!
Lord, if that is the case, You better sternly warn me too with the same seriousness, if not more!
Lord Jesus, do keep asking me too,
"Do you want to get well?"
Do it everyday to me.
Shake me off from my snobbish shelters.
Smoke me out from my unhealthy hiding behind my weakness and laziness. Whenever You shock me through painful experiences, help me to remind myself that it is your,
"Wake Up Call" for me.
Lord Jesus, The plain truth is:
very often I did not want get well.
But now, I want to change. Though difficult I want start anew, everyday anew.
Keep giving me everyday the Marching Orders to get up and carry my cot.
Lord Jesus, I too want to walk the new pathways of awareness and personal growth. I do not want any more:
either to be paralyzed
or to be crippled by my frailties and failures, or to be clinging on to my false defenses.
I do want to take up my cot and walk away from my lethargy, from my toxic fears, and from my false securities.From now on, I want to carry my cross and march towards a fuller and happier life even as I am in the last lap of my life.
Jesus, my Lord, it must have pained You much to see the prejudiced attitude of the 'Jews' who were always looking for a chance to pick on you. They just fail to appreciate the fact that a person who has been suffering for the last thirty eight years from paralysis has been healed. They only want to see the negatives. They seem not to know how to celebrate when something good happens.
Well, I am just one among them.
Oh, my dear self-righteous "Jews", you and me have much in common. Often enough, I tend to see only the negatives of others. Just as you all could not rejoice over the healing of a long paralized fellow Jew, I too, many a times, find it difficult to rejoice with others over the blessings they receive. As you felt threatened by the very presence and ministry of Jesus, me too have felt threatened by my fellow priests and others who do a better job than myself. Several times I have tried every trick of the trade to cut them to seize. I have been very vicious to them. I have felt very insecure even around their shadows!
Lord Jesus,
a part of me is a paralytic
and
a part of me is a "Jew
and
a part of me is still genuine.
Lord Jesus, as I am a real hard nut to crack, just command and carck me off from my protective shell of paralysis and prejudice so that I can increase and multiply the genuine side of me.
Amen
Lord Jesus, now I do want spend some time in silence in Your Presence...
.........
Speak to me Lord,
"Speak Lord, Your servant is listening!"
JoAchen
Thursday, August 28, 2014
PS
These Reflections are neither pure exegetical interpretations nor highly theological explanations. They are my devotional meditations mainly meant for my personal renewal and spiritual growth and thereby helping me to come closer to my God and to my fellow humans.
Thank you for reading them.
As i keep holding you in my daily prayers I request you to include me in yours.
Thank you,
JoAchen
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