11/16 My Monologues & Musings : (Jn 14: 1-6)
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.
Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way? ”Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”
Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way? ”Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”
Dear Jesus,
You had been very caring and concerned about your disciples as they were not shaping up as you expected them to.
They were worried and anxious about you and about their future, as they had an inkling about your suffering.
Of course, they didn't want you to suffer.
Dear Jesus,
Yet you did exhort them not to be worried!
It isn't that easy not to be worried and anxious when faced with pain, suffering, failures, and a bleak future.
You too had a taste of it in Gethsemani, Didn't You?
But you pulled yourself up and gained the strength to go through it!
Dear Jesus,
As you know, often I have been a basket case!,
a bundle of worries.
a bundle of worries.
The irony with me is :
Despite having a PhD in Psych,
Despite having offered courses on handling worry and anxiety,
When it affects me and my life,
I have been a bundle of worries!
I feel ashamed to admit that I had often been a basket case!
Well, the physician in me couldn't heal mysesf!
In spite of all the academic and theoretical analysis,
I feel,
ultimately I have to cast all my anxieties on to you, Oh, Lord!
After a certain point I need to let you deal with it.
But my bulging Ego often thinks it can handle.
And then I make a mess of myself!
Dear Jesus,
As i look back at myself, most of my anxieties were caused by my mistakes, my own failures, and my own guilt!
What I need to keep reminding myself is that you are there ever ready to help and strengthen me provide I seek you out.
Thank you, for seeing me through many of my anxiety ridden days and months.
It is often when I was caught in my evil ways that I felt terribly worried and anxious about the impending punishments and negative after effects.
I also get worried and anxious whenever I do something which I shouldn't do and I worry whether I will be caught!
Dear Jesus,
I often worry about my worries and keep asking:
when will my worries be over and
when can I have a peaceful life?
What an irony!
Worrying about worries!
Dear Apostle Thomas,
How I wish I could be free, frank and spontaneous like you.
Unabashedly, you exposed your ignorance without any pretence!
In a similar situation, I would have kept myself mum!
I would not like to be seen and to be treated an ignoramus!
I tend to hide my ignorance and pretend that I know everything!
Dear Apostle Thomas,
Your childlike spontaneity and your willingness to be vulnerable has been a great help and boost for your personal maturity and spiritual growth, right?
You did not reveal your ignorance as an excuse for lethargy.
You did grow!
And you cried out:
“My Lord and My God”, Didn’t you?
How I wish to have an attitude of childlike spontaneity in which you did excel.
Dear Apostle Philip,
I have so much in common with you.
In spite of being with Jesus for more than two or so years,
In spite of listening to him,
In spite of learning from him, and
In spite of witnessing his miracles,
your ignorance of the Father did disappoint Jesus.
But he did not give up on you, Did he?
In my case it is worse,
In spite of being a born Catholic,
In spite of having being trained in religious houses, seminaries, and universities at home and abroad,
In spite being a priest for over forty years,
I am no different from you,
May be even worse!
That’s me!
Dear Jesus,
If Philip, after less than three years disappointed you,
How much more disappointment I have caused you!
Still you have not given up on me!
It must make me humbler and hurry up.
I need to grow up quick as I am getting advanced in my years.
Thank you, Lord for waiting for me so long!
Oh, Jesus, My Lord and My God,
I thank you for your :
Unsolicited gift of life for me!
Uncountable blessings for me!
Unlimited Patience with me!
Untold Forgiveness for me! I
Unflinching faith in me!
Unfailing Hope in me!
Unconditional Love of me!
Amen
JoAchen
Monday, 11th January, 2016
Dear Reader,
These Reflections are neither pure scientific exegesis nor are they any highly theological explanations. They are a part of my journaling of the Prodigal Priest in me as I struggle to return to the Home of our Heavenly Father. As I keep holding you in my prayers and I request you to include me in yours. Thank you
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