My Monologoues: 95 My Monologues & Musings : "Tu Es Sacerdos. ...Melchizedek "

95 My Monologues & Musings :

Tu Es Sacerdos …. Melchizedek ( You are a priest.. Melchizedek)

Some forty plus years ago, on a cool Thursday evening of 23rd October in a small seminary chapel in North India, a frail, sickly, diminutive deacon knelt before the Episcopal Celebrant to be ordained a priest. He was struggling with shortness of breath due to a prolonged and acute chest infection.

The seminary choir chanted solemnly the Gregorian:

“Tu Es Sacerdos in aeternum ….

Secundum Ordinem Melchizedek ….

Juravit Dominus…”

(“You are a priest forever….

following Melchizedek …...

The Lord has sworn an oath…..”)

And so I was ordained a Catholic priest of the Pallottine Community by a very holy bishop from the neighboring diocese.

The Ordination Ceremony was graced by a small congregation consisting of my father, relatives, superiors and members of my Pallottine Community, other priests, seminary professors, seminarians, sisters,friends, and well wishers.

I was exhausted, weak, and frail.

After a decade long religious, secular, and seminary training finally:

Here I was a priest!

A severely sick priest!

I didn't have the energy to take part in the subsequent celebrations.

On the very next day I was to travel home with my father and relations to celebrate the First Mass in my home parish. We had made arrangements to travel south by railroads to cover a distance of over a thousand kilometers. In those days it took about forty plus hours by railroads to reach home.

My superiors were very caring and were very concerned about my ill health and seriously doubted whether I could undertake the long and tedious railroad travel.

To my great dismay, my caring superior got my railroad ticket cancelled and put me on a flight. My father and the rest of the group travelled by railroads. My superior joined them.

In those days, travelling by air was very expensive and was usually reserved for the rich. Though it was my maiden flight, being very sick, I didn't enjoy it.

We had a good celebration of my First Holy Mass in my home parish.

And I began to recover fast with further medical care.

Later on, I was told that my father and my superiors had serious doubts about my health and worried whether I would make it through my First Mass.

Many thought that i may not last long!

But the fervent:

prayers of my family and relations,

prayers of my Pallottine Community,

prayers of many friends and well wishers, along with the medical care,

and above all the healing grace of Jesus the Great Healer made me healthy!

Oh, Jesus, the Great Healer,

Thank you for seeing me through those difficult days!

A couple of years later, I did go for an Inner Healing Retreat and slowly it began to unravel to me about my prolonged chest infection and breathing problems i had.

It was made clear to me that my prolonged chest infection prior to my priestly ordination was due to an inner conflict started boiling within me since months before the ordination.

During the four years of theological studies in the seminary I was also asked by the superiors to get enrolled in the State University and pursue simultaneously a two year Master’s program in Indian Thought. I did it with distinction and came out with topping the rank list. I was awarded a Gold Medal and was offered a Four Year Fellowship to do a PhD level Research.

I was thrilled as well as was proud. I was fascinated and loved to accept the offer.

Being very ambitious I did approach my superiors for the necessary permission. This would have meant postponing my priestly ordination at least for three years.

I thought to myself it would be great idea as the superiors had wanted me to teach Indian Philosophy to our own seminarians right after my ordination.

So I placed the offer of Fellowship before my superiors and requested them to postpone my ordination at least for three years while I pursue the PhD program. I was almost certain of their permission. To my utter disappointment my proposal and request was turned down. I tried to convince them, but of no avail. I was told that the postponement of the priestly ordination was out of question. I was bluntly told either get ordained now or never!

Oh, boy! I was disappointed, depressed as I was desperate to take the offer of Fellowship.

Well, after a week or so with much resentment I agreed to forgo the offer of Fellowship program and consented to be ordained. Though I had taken the decision mentally, it was very difficult to accept it emotionally. There was strong resentment deep within me. Though outwardly I was calm I had been nursing grudges against the superiors and hated them. For the next ten months prior to my ordination I was plagued by all sorts ailments and finally ended with a prolonged chest infection lasting through my ordination. It took time for me to accept the reality of forsaking the offer of Fellowship.

As I already had the Masters I was appointed to teach in our seminary.

Well into four years of my priesthood I was asked to pursue the Scriptural Studies in Rome!

It was a pleasant surprise for me.

Then I thought, had I taken up the offer of Fellowship, I may not had the blessing to study Sacred Scripture in Rome and Jerusalem.

Oh, My Lord and My God,

Inscrutable are your ways Oh, Lord!

Oh, Jesus, the Eternal High Priest,

Thank you for choosing me to share your Eternal Priesthood.

Thank you for continuing to keep me in your unconditional love!

Oh, Jesus, the Eternal High Priest,

As I look back, over these past forty plus years of my priestly life,

You know very well that most of the time I have not been worthy to have been chosen to share your Holy and Eternal Priesthood.

Very often, with pride and arrogance,

I have gone around as a priest.

Still you continue to love me, Don't you Lord?

Very often, I have behaved in a manner unbecoming of a priest.

You are aware of it, Lord,

Aren't you?

Yet you continue to love me, Lord!

I have counter witnessed you and

Your Servant Image,

Your Foot Washing image,

Your Sacrificial Image.

Yet you continue to keep me in your love!

Don't you, Lord?

Thank you, Lord for your unconditional love

Oh, Jesus, the Eternal High Priest,

You continue to bless me with the privilege: to celebrate the Holy Eucharist,

to bring Reconciliation to your children,

to bring other Sacraments to them.