49 My Monologues : The Elder Son & The Elder Brother (Lk 25)

49 My Monologues : The Elder Son & the Elder Brother (Lk 15 )

Dear Friend,

You look so familiar.

You think very similar

You sound so familiar.

You speak very similar.

There is so much of you in me.

There is much of me in you

We have much in common.

You know, my friend,

Years ago, as a young and ambitious seminarian and even as a young priest,  whenever I read your story

and thought of you, there was much anger

welling up in me.

I was angry with you and with the way you pouted and puffed up about the celebrations over the homecoming of your prodigal brother.

How mean you, I thought.

But the more I keep reflecting on you,

it dawns on me that the anger I felt towards you, in fact, was and is directed to that part of me which often reacts like you!

I am happy and honored to listen to your musings about yourself......

The monologues of the Elder Son....

"Ever Since I can remember, my younger brother was a bundle of energy and he was always up and about...

always busy in doing something.

He was also very spontaneous in his emotions...very talkative...very outgoing...he used to laugh loud..

He was a fun guy to be with and had lots friends...

He would often hang around with them...

He would jump into any situation.

My brother would always catch and get the attention of others.

He would keep pestering until he gets what he wants.

Yet he was no pest..

But as he stepped into his teenage years,  he was becoming increasingly aggressive in his wants and demands...

He was increasingly impatient with father...

Often he expressed his wish to move out and have life of his own...

He kept complaining that he felt suffocated at home in the presence of his father and all the rest of us..

He used to lose his cool even on flimsy grounds..

So we all had to walk on the  eggshells..

Day by day he was getting adamant to have his share of the ancestral property even as our father was alive.

As per our Jewish traditions the sons can have the ancestral property only after the death of the father...

But he wanted it right away....

Nothing would and nobody could change his mind...

Finally with a heavy heart our father gave in and yielded to his request and gave his younger son his share of the ancestral property!

I just didn’t like at all the way my father yielded to the unusual and adamant demands of his son.

He should have refused...

He should have told him to wait until his death.

He shouldn't have given in so easily.

Was he afraid of his younger son.

I would have stood by my father and protected him from the onslaught of his younger son.

His younger son brought shame on our family and on himself!

I am ashamed of him.

I hate him!

I just can't stand him.

I  too could have asked for my share.

But I didn't. Instead I went everyday to work in field and on the farm.

I am a dutiful son causing no heartache to my father and family.

After having squandered all the inherited wealth he inherited now he is pretending repentance ...

It's all a show and a sham.

His show if repentance and seeking of forgiveness is because he has no other option...

He has nowhere to go and no one to turn to. He knew fully well that he could buy off his father with his tears!

My father is so simple that he falls for all the crocodile  tears of his younger son.

I told him so and I refused to be a part of being taken for a ride by his younger son. My father can keep on pleading with me..

i shall not budge!

I complained to my father that he cared little for me!

Despite being so upright in work and duty bound it wasn't acknowledged, ...

I wasn't appreciated...

What sort of a father is he?....

I just don't want to join the Celebrations. .

I don't want even see his prodigal son...

Why should my father show so much compassion and accept him back and rehabilitate him in the family?

I just fret and fume with all drama of the father and younger son.

Let them celebrate..."

Thank you, friend, for pouring your heart out..

Yes, you feel really let down and not given sufficient attention.

You feel ignored and unacknowledged and hurt..

Sooner than later, as your hurt feelings subside, I am sure you will be to accept and reconcile with yourself and with your father and brother.

In the meantime, let me share with you a piece of my mind and heart.

After having been a priest for forty plus years, I often feel unhappy, angry like you. Sure, I have had more than my share failures, grievous ones.

A good many times I have tried to be a dutiful priest. But when acknowledgment and appreciation don't come along I keep  grumbling...

I entertain grouse feelings..

I sulk ...

At times I feel miserably empty. .

I feel often unable to forgive others as your  father forgave his younger son...

When I see others forgive the guilty I just can't stand as you did....

A good many times I can't relate to others.

I see that you couldn't call the younger son of your father as your own younger brother,right?

That's often the case with me..

I just can't connect with my fellow brothers and sisters.

I often compare myself with others whom I dispose and place myself in a much better light! ....

Just as you did compare yourself with your brother, I keep doing the same.

Like you, I too keep a count of the good things I do and then keep comparing and bargaining with others.

So dear friend, as I  said at the start,

we have lot in common,  right?

I don't think you stood outside for ever refusing the request of your father to enter your own home.

I do think your father wore you out and finally you did go with him into the house where you reconciled with your younger brother, right?

Dear Jesus, My Lord and My God,

Thank you for narrating the story of the 'Prodigal Son'.

Yes, both the brothers are within myself.

I need to reconcile both of them.

I want to make the best of both and minus their negatives.

Dear Jesus, you been repeatedly welcoming me back when I return to you in repentance.

As you know, I have / a Prodigal Son, and Prodigal Priest,  not just once but many more times.

Every time I came back you did receive me with your loving and merciful forgiveness.

Thank you, Lord of mercy and compass!

My Lord and My God,

I want to spent some time in silence in your presence and relish on the forgiveness you have showering on me...

Thank you, Lord!

Amen

JoAchen

Sunday, 28th June, 2015

Dear Reader,
These Reflections are neither pure scientific exegesis nor are they any highly theological explanations. These are my devotional meditations mainly meant for my  personal renewal and spiritual growth. They are a part of the journaling of a 'Prodigal Priest' on my Pilgrimage to the Home of our Heavenly Father.

You are welcome to share them with me.
Dear Reader, I keep holding you in my prayers and I request you to include me in yours.

I plan on uploading a Reflection each on 7th, 14th, 21st, and on the 28th of every month.
Thank you!