5. My Monologues our Blessed Mother

My Monologues : 5

My Monologues with our Blessed Mother
(Jn 2)
Dear Mother, it is nice to see you in Cana for the wedding celebrations. May be, it is the one and the only time, (in the Johanine narration of the Gospel), where you are sighted on a celebrative and happy occasion, right, Mother? You and your son along with his band of disciples are there as invited guests. 
Mother, how and when did you notice that there isn't enough wine to go around and what was your first feeling when you came to know it's shortage? 
You must have felt it as an alarming situation, right? Being born and brought up in an entirely conservative Jewish tradition, you knew very well that sufficient availability of wine is very essential for a Jewish Wedding. 
As a practicing Jew you knew from the Holy Book an abundance of grape-harvest and wine are some of the visible signs of God's Happy Presence and His Blessings, right, Mother? 
This is all the more true for Jewish Weddings. The availability of sufficient wine for Jewish Weddings is the visible sign of God's Blessings for the bride and the bridegroom. The lack of wine is considered as an ominous sign and brought shame on the hosts.
This has been the belief in your culture and your community, right, Mother?
Besides, wine also gladdens the heart as the Holy Book says. It was used as one of the common drinks to celebrate and enjoy on a happy occasion. But it should always be used in moderation. The Holy Book also warns about the overuse or abuse of it which would be disastrous. Don't we know it from Noah who was the first one to make wine as well as to get drunk, right? Due to its addictive nature many cultures and traditions in many parts of the world strongly discourage the use of it as it can easily be abused.
But in your culture it was common to enjoy wine on joyous occasions like weddings, though it was often overused or abused by the common folks. 
Yet the insufficiency was considered to be a bad.

You, for sure, never ever wanted any foreboding things to happen to this newly wed couple on the very firstday of being together as husband and wife. Lack of wine would have brought shame and guilt feelings upon the newly wed. How caring and concerned an attitude that you have! 
Mother, you are altruistic to the core! 
Being a guest, you could have thought to yourself something like,
"It is none of my business to poke my nose..l am just a guest and will have some small talks and then eat whatever is served, wish the bride and the groom all the best and then go home. 
Mother, if you were to think along the above lines you would have been just OK.
Again you could have continued to think: 
Let them face the music..they should have thought in advance and stored enough of wine whether they overlooked it or they deliberately didn't care is immaterial..
it is not my cup of tea.."

But, Mother, you went out of your way and made it sure that nothing untoward happened to spoil the happiness of the newly wed and that of their families. 
No one seems to have told you about the lack of wine. You noticed it yourself, right? 
It means you got yourself aware of the situation. You got yourself involved in the felt needs of those around you, right?
Mother, this is not the first time you do such a thing. Remember, some thirty or so years ago, you went on to help your cousin Elizabeth! You felt she needed help and there you went! You went unasked and stayed for months to help the aged and expecting Elizabeth!
Mother, how i wish to have the habit of your caring attitude towards people and situations around myself. 
At times I do venture in and help. 
But many a times, I keep myself isolated from the needy situations of others around me. 
Many a times I have excuses. . ready made ones, for not getting out to help. 
I often insulate myself with my needs and wants and thus blind myself to the needs of others around me.
And you know, Mother, sometimes I do volunteer to help out, 
you know, for what? 
just to make a name for myself..
just to be noticed by others! 

That's me, Mother, many a times! That's Me!

Yet another remarkable thing about you is:
Despite the shocking rebuff you got from your son, it is not mentioned in the narration that you felt hurt and reacted.
I am so different. In similar sitations, I would try to give back double the dose with equally strong words.
Mother, when your son addressed you as"woman" you must have felt slighted, or insulted, or humiliated and what not! 
Whatever feelings you went through, not to have retorted or reacted is remarkable indeed.

You did neither keep on insisting nor did go on nagging your son..
You did not make it a personal, prestige issue.
You neither complained nor lamented. 
You never regreted for having made that request to your son. 

After bringing to his attention, just once, about the lack of wine, you graciously withdrew.
Of course, hoping for the best and trusting your son would do something positive..
That's why, you went and told the helpers, 
"Do whatever He tells you.",right, Mother?

And He did!

And the most touching of it all...
Mother, you were no where to be seen either during or after the miracle, right?
You were not there neither to claim part of the credit nor to share the glow. 
Mother, you were not there to flaunt your son and his miraculous powers, right?
You just disappeared into a sort of oblivion!

Mother, you are inimitable indeed!

You know, Mother, what I would have done in such a situation.
To be begin with, I would keep on repeating my request.. I would plead and pester and will try to make it a prestige issue for me!
I would say something like:
"Look my son..It is me, your Mom who is asking you to do this favor. Please do something.. I know you can.. don't disappoint me, your Mom!
I shall never bother you any more with such request, please! 
My son, don't you remember when people rediculed you calling you a carpenter"s son? 
Now show them what a carpenter's son can do! Come on...
Make your parents proud and make a name for yourself! 
Do perform a miracle!" 
Mother, this is the way I would have thought!
And when the miracle took place, you could have gone on harping around.. "it's due to my timely intervention the miracle took place. 
Had I not noticed and brought to the attention of my son, it would have been a sorry state.."

Mother, in similar situations, I would have sought out and asked for acknowledgment and appreciation. 
That's Me, Mother!

Mother, tomorrow, is the Feast of your Assumption, right?
I want spend some time in silence and in your presence..
Please, keep on inspiring me with your compassion for the needy as well as the need to stop my habit of nagging and giving up when my prayers are not answerd and wishes are not realized.

Mother, do keep reminding me to be positive..
Let me spend sometime in silence and listen to you, Mother!
...........
...........

Dear Jesus, how come that you addressed your Mother as "woman"? 
Doesn't it sound disrespectful, if not derogatory? 
Biblical pundits bring up many explanations. But none of them would be satisfying. Some even try to explain it away. Sure, there may be a satisfactory explanation. I can wait.
In the mean time, what is awesome is that after your initial refusal, you changed your mind. 
And made the "hour" come! 
The Son of God yields to the request of the "woman" who bore him. 
Lord, what made you to change your mind?
Is it the regret you might have felt for calling your Mom a "woman"?
Is it your realization of the compassion your Mom had for the newly wed?
Whatever may be the reason the fact is that you saved the day for the newly wed, right?
Lord, you were not stupid like Herod who didn't want to break the promise made to
the dancing daughter and ordered the beheading of your cousin.
Lord, you were not stubborn like Pilot who said "what is written is written."
Lord, you gave in to the request of your Mom.
You gave up your initial refusal which was very curt.

Looking back at my life, how often have I been stubborn! 
How often have I stuck to my decision, come what may!
Lord, help me learn to yield for the right reason..
Lord, help me learn to give in whenever there is a right cause.

Lord, in your presence the Hour comes!
Lord, in your presence, water is changed into wine!
Lord, in your presence, man and woman become husband wife!
Lord, in your presence, the chief steward changes his prejudiced views he had of the host family.

But look at me, though I have been in your presence for so long as a priest ministering to many, I haven't changed as much as I should, right, Lord?
Lord, thank you for your immense patience with my slow change and growth!
Lord, after my monologue, I want to spend some time in silence..
in your presence...
Lord speak to me..
keep speaking to me and reminding me of the need to keep changing and keep growing!
..........

Amen
JoAchen
August 14, 2014

PS
These Reflections are neither pure exegetical interpretations nor highly theological explanations. They are my devotional meditations mainly meant for my personal renewal and spiritual growth and thereby helping me to come closer to my God and to my fellow humans.
Thank you for reading them.
As I keep holding you in my daily prayers , I request you to include me in yours.
Thank you, 
JoAchen

6. My Monologues with my Creator and Co-Creators

My Monologues 6

My Monologues with my Creator and Co-Creators
(Ps 8, 139, Lk 1)

Oh, my God, my Creator, often I ask myself: 
Why has He created me? 
Along with the Psalmist, I ask in wonder:
" when I look at sky which you have made, 
at moon and stars,
which you have set in their places,
What is man, that You think of him;
mere man, that you care for him?"

OH, my God, why on earth and how on earth that You thought of creating me?
In your eternal designs, You found a place for me, didn't You?
"For you created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother's womb
"When my bones were being formed,
carefully put together in my mother's womb,
When I was growing there in secret,
You knew that I was there-
You saw me before I was born."

Lord, "I praise You
because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.."
O my Creator, You keep telling me as You did to the prophets,
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.."
"I have carved you on the palms of my hands.."
"I have called you by name..you are mine."
You keep telling me, "you are a blessing."
Thank You, my Creator, my God for repeatedly reminding me all these eternal words.
Lord, I just can't express my feelings and thoughts any better than the above words of Your Psalmist and of Your Prophets!
Lord, the more I reflect,
the more I am lost in the wonder of your deliberate designs to form and to fashion me in Your own Image and Likeness!
Lord, You created me out of your unfathomable love, right?
You found a place for me on Your beautiful Earth. Though I am just one among the tens of thousands of billions of your children, You thought of and planned to create me, right?
And You did!
And You keep on sustaining me with Your love ever since I was born. Thank You!

Again with the Psalmist,
let me keep saying and singing.....
"What thanks can I render Thee..."

O My Creator, my God, as of today,
You have gifted me with a full sixty seven years of life.
Sixty seven years ago, on a Thursday like today, you brought me forth into this world.
O My God, I thank You for the wonder of my being!

Thank You, my God, my Creator!
For loving me unconditionally,
For keep loving me unceasingly,
For keep caring for me untiringly,
Despite my seemingly unending ungratefulness!

You, O my Creator, my God, You did co-opt my parents in forming and in shaping me, in bearing and in bringing me forth, right?

O my Mother, you were thrilled to know that a new human life was being formed in you.
From my Father I come to know, especially from the letters he wrote me over the years, that you both were very happy when you conceived me.
Both of you prayed and hoped, wanted and wished to have a baby boy as you already had a daughter.

Mother, almost, all through your confinement, you did not enjoy the best of health, though the treatment and medicines you got from the village physician kept the infections at bay.
And you, my Mother, you brought me into the world on a Thursday noon, sixty seven years ago, right?
Thank you, Mother!
As my Father told me when the village midwife came out from the tiny make shift labor room in our ancestral home and said,
"It's a boy!"
my Father and all the rest in the family were happy.
O my Mother, my Father, both of you were happy and proud of your baby boy, right?
After giving me birth your infections got the better of you. In spite of the best available medical attention you got, your health deteriorated.
And after being together with me just for forty one days, Mother, you said goodbye to me as you were called back by the Lord.

It was a sort of Hello and Goodbye for me!
Hello to the New World!
And Goodbye to you, Mother!

I have often asked myself:
Why wasn't I called back right away by the Lord instead of you?
Why coudn't have I gone, instead of you?
After all, I had just arrived!
And I could have gone back just as I came.
Mother, at that ime, you were needed much more than myself, right?
No one outside our family
knew me, while you were known and loved by many.
You had a husband and a three year old daughter to be taken care of, right, Mother?
Besides, you had your own parents, siblings, in-laws, friends, and acquaintances who loved you much.
So I thought and still keep thinking so.
Mother, it would have been better in many ways for you to stay and for me to go!
But that was not to be!
How deep are Your designs , O Lord!

O my Father, what an irony!
You didn't have time enough to rejoice over the birth of your son as your soulmate and wife was called back by the Lord which left you heart broken!
You were shattered!
Ever since the death of your soulmate, you started growing your beard, right, my Father? You kept it until you joined her in heaven. Do you still have it?
Come to think of it, you both had just seven years of blissful married life, mixed with joy and sorrow, health and sickenss, right?
Father, I know for certain, that you were a very close couple as I had a chance to see the letters your soulmate wrote you. Remember, you had kept them tucked away along with both of your Wedding Shawls for safe keeping, right?
In one of her letters to you she wanted you to bring her a tin of oats!
As I come to know, in those days oats were available only in medical shops.
It seems she loved it.
And you did get her, didn't you?

Yet in another letter she wanted us, all the three of us, to make a pilgrimage to the tomb of St. Alphonsa, then a Servant of God.
But this was never to be!

My Mother and my Father, those letters and your Wedding Shawls are still with me.
Mother, don't you remember the beautiful four legged wooden box your parents gave you as part of your dowry? I have it with me in my room. I keep your letters and the those Wedding Shawls in them and use your box as a Mini Alter in my room.
I treasure them and hold them dear to my heart.

It makes me real happy, now that you both are reunited for ever in heaven.
And no one can separate you from each other anymore, not even death!

My Mother, my Father, it is a very painful fact that I have disappointed you several times on account of my unbecoming behaviors as a son and as a priest, right? At times, both of you have severely been pained due to my faults and failures.
I am sorry!
I shall keep trying to be a son and a priest of whom both of you can be proud of!
I know for certain that you keep loving me and keep praying for me.

Wait for me! my Mother, my Father, someday, I shalI join you...
And we shall be together...
not just for forty one days...
but for ever!

In the meantime, O Lord, My Creator, I want keep working on the Image You have breathed into me. I want to keep developing Your Image into a full blown Likeness of Yours!
Jesus, My Lord and My God, You know very well that I have a pretty long way to go to bring the best out of the Image and Likeness breathed into me, right?
I want to pray like Francis of Assisi. ( My Mother was called back by the Lord on his Feastday.)

"Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace
Where there is hatred, let me sow love,
Where there is injury, pardon,
Where there is doubt, faith,
Where there is despair, hope,
Where there is darkness, light,
and where there is sadness, joy,

O Divine Master, grant that
I may not so much seek to be consoled,
as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."
Amen

Lord, I want to stay silent in Your Presence for a while..

"Speak Lord, your servant is listening.."
Amen
JoAchen
Thursday, August 21, 2014

PS
These Reflections are neither pure exegetical interpretations nor highly theological explanations. They are my devotional meditations mainly meant for my personal renewal and spiritual growth and thereby helping me to come closer to my God and to my fellow humans.

Thank you for reading them.

As I keep holding you in my daily prayers, I request you to include me too in yours.

Thank you,
JoAchen

7. My Monologues with the Paralyzed by the Pool

My Monologues 7

The Paralyzed by the Pool Side
(Jn 5)

O, my brother, I do really feel sorry for you! For the last thirty eight years you have been lying there paralyzed by the pool side, right?

So long a time!!!!

When they brought you to the pool for the first time, you could have been either a baby or more than an year old or a teenager, or even an adult. You might have got paralyzed either due to an accident or on account of an illness or even by birth.

Right now, all these details are immaterial.

The sad and shameful fact is no one helped you to get into the pool, though you were lying there that long. With so many pilgrims coming and going, no one really cared to help you, right? It must have really pained you.

My brother, you might have thought to yourself, how could people be so callous and insensitive? 
"The world doesn't care!", isn't so?
Haven't you heard of the story of the Rich man and Lazarus which the very same Lord who healed you had narrated at one time?
Yes, there are people, including myself, who are unconcerned about their fellow humans.

I do empathise with you and with your feeling of helplessness.
On the other hand, my brother, is it not possible that the people around the pool may not have deliberately declined your request for help. All those who came to the miraculous pool had their own worries and sickness. They were concerned about themselves and their illness or that of their loved ones. They too came to the pool for getting healed. So they were busy with themselves and got lost in their own world of worries. Some of them must have been there to assist their own sick ones to get into the pool and really had no time for others. It is also possible, they just didn't notice you enough so as to give you a helping hand. 
Whatever the case may be, my brother, you had no one to help, right? Though you were so close to the Temple which is the holiest Sanctuary for Jewish believers, where pilgrims flock, there you were feeling lonely, alone, and ignored in the midst of praying pilgrims and a milling crowed!

All on a sudden, out of the blue, Jesus came, passing by. As He spotted you, He took time to learn about your sickness. Earnestly wishing to help you, He asked you that simple, straight forward question, 

"Do you want get well?"

On another occasion, when Jesus had asked somewhat a similar question to Bartimeus, the blind man, his answer was,

"Of course, I want see."

I thought for a moment, that you too could have answered likewise, right, my brother?

But you did not!

Instead, you went on venting your frustration and helplessness as no one had come forward to help you to get into the miraculous pool. Very poignantly, you painted before Him a pathetic picture of yourself. You must have run this tape many a times to several people, right? And as a result you must have got some sympathy from those who heard you. My brother, you must have kept blaming the people around you and the society at large.

You might have thought for yourself something on the similar lines, 
"There is no one to help me! 
I am helpless! 
I am resigned to my present pathetic plight!
I can't do much.
The world around me doen't care", right?

Slowly, but steadly, my brother, your enthusiasm to seek help and get well might have given away to disappointent. And you began to loose the hope of getting well. You might simply have felt resigned to your paralized state. It is quite possible that you began to feel at home being paralized, right? 

Being sick brought you a number of benefits such as:
You didn't have to work or take on any responsibility, 
You could have also gotten lots of sympathy and other material helps like food, money etc. isn't so? It brings in easy income!
My brother you could have thought to yourself something like, 
"After thirty eight years, where am I? How am I to start a new life? If I were to go home, who all will there be? Will they accept me? Won't I be a burden to them? Things will be different even at home. Have I the energy to start all over again? I am afraid, I don't! Now that I am used to this way of life, I am happy and content. Here around the pool, though paralized, I am in control! Once I am healed and am healthy, how could I wallow up in self-pity? How could I keep telling others it is their fault that I am in this mess! Going home after thirty eight years, I would totally be out of place and I won't be in control of myself." 

Similar fears and uncertainties could have overwhelmed you, right?
My brother, you began to take shelter behind your sickness. I guess, slowly, but steadily, you stopped bothering to seek healing and ceased to long for a healthier life. Your initial hope and optimism was on the wane. Instead, you began to feel comfortable as a paralized lying by the pool side, right? You might have begun to wallow in self-pity. You settled down to be complacent. 
If you were to be healed, all the so called present securities could be lost. 
Probably, due to these and similar reasons, you did not give a direct answer to the question:

"Do you want to get well?"

My brother, it is easy to pick on you, as I have been doing till now. 

But I do empathise with you. To a great extend, I am able to identify with you in your predicament as I myself have behaved just like you, running away from the stark realities of life. I have tried several times to hide myself behind my weakness or sickness. Many a times, I was afraid of changing and was unwilling to admit my failures to myself and to others. Often enough, I have been a coward and have camouflaged myself as an abandoned and helpless victim of human neglect. Subsequently, I started finding comfort in my sickness and weakness. 
And thus I could keep on harping my plight and continue blaming the rest of the world for all my miseries. Yes, my brother, it Is very difficult indeed to get rid of our codependent behavior patterns, right?
l like to share with you a couple of my fleeing from realities of life as it would certainly help me in my healing process.

Years ago, as a seminarian, I had a tendency to dodge working on the farm or in the garden. As per the Seminary Time Table everyday there was an hour of work which was named as Manual Labour. Many a times I used to exaggerate my aches and pains and pretend sick just to avoid Manual Labour. The Rector was a good old Irish Dominican, a very fatherly priest who initially believed me. Later on, gently but firmly, he confronted me and corrected me.
On another occasion, as a young priest, I was posted in a minor seminary as a teacher. The seminary had an German car, a Volkswagen Beetle, brought along by some of our pioneering and hardworking German missionaries. Sure, I was fascinated and fond of it and loved and longed to drive it rather than riding a bike. (Remember, in those days, thirty plus or so years ago, a car was considered a luxury.) I kept on complaining about a very minor back pain so as to avoid using the bike. I did it on account of my fascination to drive around the Beetle! 
And I did! 
O, my brother, you don't know how ingenious I could be!

You might have noticed that I kept calling you, "my brother". I did it as I have much in common with you! I guess many a times, our ways are similar in facing or dodging life. I have been acting and reacting somewhat like you. I find much of you in me! 

Meaning well for you, Jesus odered you to get up and walk and thus forcefully putting an end to a thirty eight year long wait!
My brother, you never ever expected this, did you? I guess you were caught off guard and was shell shocked! You did not express any sign of happiness of being healed, right? 

Strange indeed! 

Unlike some of those who were healed, you never seemed to have jumped around in joy, did you? You didn't even care to thank the One who healed you. It is odd that you didn't even care to find out the name of the One who healed you! Later on, when some of the Jewish religious leaders wanted to question the One who healed you on a Sabbath and when they asked you for His name, you just didn't know, right? And eventually when you came to know His name , you went back to them and did pass His name on to the very same people who wanted to question Him! If you really cared and were sincerely grateful to the One who healed you, you would been more than eager to warn Him of His adversaries and you would have encouraged Him to get away from them. Instead, you passed on His name, thereby wanting Him to be caught! How come that you were so ungrateful to the One who healed of your thirty eight year old infirmity? You were not only ungrateful but also you were somewhat hateful towards Him! You wished Him to be caught and cross-examined, right? You betrayed the One who healed you of your paralysis! It is like biting very the hand that feeds. Sorry, your act of betrayal reminds that of Judas. 

Sad indeed!

But, my brother, on several occasions, I too have behaved like you. I am no different from you. I have turned hostile to those who have helped me. Years ago, as a young and ambitious priest, I did this to one of my superiors who had even recruited me as a teenager. I joined others to criticise him publicly for a just cause. Though it was for the right reasons, I also had an axe to grinde! It could have been avoided. He was deeply hurt. Though he has forgiven me, even today I regret and feel sorry for it. 
Yes, my brother, if someone were to tamper with our protective shell, we would fiercely fight back, right? I would hit back vehemently and do so with vengeance! Yes, my brother, me too would have betrayed the Lord. It is so difficult to change oneself.

Jesus, my Lord, that's me! 
I have been partially paralized not just for thirty eight years, but for the last near seventy years or so. With my partial paralysis, I have been officiating as a priest, performing as a pastor, conducting myself as a teacher and what not! I kept on resisting to do something about my paralytic ways. I have functioned often with the bare minimum required! Many a times I loved to be a slouch and as a result my performance has been sloppy.

Jesus, my Lord, I have often wondered about the stern warning you meted out to the healed paralytic.You commanded him not to sin anymore or else something worse could befall on him! 
Lord, what sort of a sin had you in mind, which he has been kept on committing? Wan't he paralized for the last thirty eight years? Remember, he coudn't even move on his own and get himself into the pool which may have been just a few feet away. Could someone, who is lying paralized in a crowded place, could he have committed murder or theft or adultery or any such grievous sins? It is hard to imagine someone doing so. 

Then what was that so serious a sin that the paralized man kept on committing which required such a stern warning from You?

Was it his failures or fears or unwillingness to face life with its responsibilities?
Was it his addiction to dodge life? 
Was it his consistant abuse of the goodness and charity of the others?
Was it his continued exploitation of the so called benefits of being sick?
Was it his successful hiding behind the mask of paralysis?
May be any of these or all of these, right?
I don't know!

Lord, if that is the case, You better sternly warn me too with the same seriousness, if not more!
Lord Jesus, do keep asking me too,
"Do you want to get well?" 
Do it everyday to me. 
Shake me off from my snobbish shelters. 
Smoke me out from my unhealthy hiding behind my weakness and laziness. Whenever You shock me through painful experiences, help me to remind myself that it is your,
"Wake Up Call" for me.
Lord Jesus, The plain truth is: 
very often I did not want get well. 

But now, I want to change. Though difficult I want start anew, everyday anew.
Keep giving me everyday the Marching Orders to get up and carry my cot.
Lord Jesus, I too want to walk the new pathways of awareness and personal growth. I do not want any more: 
either to be paralyzed
or to be crippled by my frailties and failures, or to be clinging on to my false defenses. 
I do want to take up my cot and walk away from my lethargy, from my toxic fears, and from my false securities.From now on, I want to carry my cross and march towards a fuller and happier life even as I am in the last lap of my life.

Jesus, my Lord, it must have pained You much to see the prejudiced attitude of the 'Jews' who were always looking for a chance to pick on you. They just fail to appreciate the fact that a person who has been suffering for the last thirty eight years from paralysis has been healed. They only want to see the negatives. They seem not to know how to celebrate when something good happens.
Well, I am just one among them.

Oh, my dear self-righteous "Jews", you and me have much in common. Often enough, I tend to see only the negatives of others. Just as you all could not rejoice over the healing of a long paralized fellow Jew, I too, many a times, find it difficult to rejoice with others over the blessings they receive. As you felt threatened by the very presence and ministry of Jesus, me too have felt threatened by my fellow priests and others who do a better job than myself. Several times I have tried every trick of the trade to cut them to seize. I have been very vicious to them. I have felt very insecure even around their shadows!

Lord Jesus, 
a part of me is a paralytic 
and 
a part of me is a "Jew
and 
a part of me is still genuine.

Lord Jesus, as I am a real hard nut to crack, just command and carck me off from my protective shell of paralysis and prejudice so that I can increase and multiply the genuine side of me.
Amen

Lord Jesus, now I do want spend some time in silence in Your Presence...
.........
Speak to me Lord, 
"Speak Lord, Your servant is listening!"

JoAchen
Thursday, August 28, 2014

PS
These Reflections are neither pure exegetical interpretations nor highly theological explanations. They are my devotional meditations mainly meant for my personal renewal and spiritual growth and thereby helping me to come closer to my God and to my fellow humans.
Thank you for reading them.
As i keep holding you in my daily prayers I request you to include me in yours.
Thank you,
JoAchen

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8. My Monologues with our Blessed Mother

My Monologues 8

My Monologues with Blessed Mother

Oh! Blessed Mother, Eighth of September is observed as your Birthday, right?

Mother, Wish you a very Happy Birthday!

Usually, when we wish someone a Happy Birthday, we also wish:

"Many, Many Happy Returns of the Day."
But in your case, it's meaningless to wish you so as you have already the Happy Returns of the Day for ever, right, Mother?

Oh! Blessed Mother, like the many many millions of my fellow sisters and brothers I am happily grateful to Our God for bringing you into this world and gifting you to us.

My earliest memories of your Birthday Celebrations are tied up with the festal celebrations of a local church dedicated in your honor. The church was on the banks of the backwaters, the largest water body around our region. The main feast of the local Shrine dedicated in your honor was on the Eighth of September. Thousands of your devotees flocked for the Feast. It was an annual fixture which we kids looked forward to as we used to get some spending money to buy toffees and toys.
After the untimely death of my mother I lived with my Grandparents who took care of me and they had their home on the opposite shores of this backwaters. I lived with them for first ten plus years of my childhood. Every year, almost without fail, my Grandparents took many of us, their grandchildren for your feast.

We used to sail across the backwaters in our wooden, non-mechanised country boat with a covered roof top. It took about an hour or so to reach the church shore.
It so happened once after taking part in the festvities, as we were sailing back home around noon, there was a squall. The sudden strong wind and waves tossed the country boat around. Though our boatman was very experienced and was in control of the boat and our Grandparents tried to calm us down, we kids were real scared. O! boy, we kids were so frightened and we began wailing and weeping and started calling upon you,

Oh, Mother! save us!

And you did!

The squally weather subsided and we safely reached the shores. Mother, even after more than half a century, it still remains a part of the scary memories of my childhood, an unforgettable and traumatic experience on your Birthday!

Thank you, Mother for saving us!

Mother, your parents, Joachim and Ann, must have been very proud of you. Though very little is known about them, they must have been a very righteous couple who were true to their ancestral Jewish faith. Some say you were born and brought up in the Holy City of Jerusalem.They hold that you lived with your parents near to the miraculous Pool of Bethesda.

Some others are of the view that your father, Joachim was from Nazareth and was a rich sheep and goat farmer cum merchant and supplied sacrificial lambs for the Temple in Jerusalem. Later on, he married your mother who was from Bethlehem and eventually they moved to Jerusalem. Your parents, though rather rich and were blessed in many ways, had to wait for many years to be blessed with a baby until you came into their lives and into the world.

Your mother, being a very devout and religious woman, provided you with a very genuine Jewish upbringing. As a baby girl your mother took you to the Temple almost everyday. And they say, you became the darling of the Temple priests and of the elders. Thus you were able to spend your childhood in a very spiritual and religious surrounding.

Mother, you were very privileged to have had a very healthy chidlhood under the loving and caring guidance of your parents. They cared for you with much love and provided you with a happy home.

These days many a children miss a happy home and a healthy childhood. The girl child is the worst hit. As you know well, the child labor and child abuse are very rampant in our midst. The female foeticide are the curse of our culture. In your time it was unheard of. But your time witnessed the heinous crime of child sacrifice, right, Mother?

Looking back at my childhood, though the Lord called back my mother when I was just little over a month old, He gave me in turn the next best person: my Grandmother. She along with my Grandfather gave me lots and lots of love and care and brought me up till the age of twelve or so.

Lord I thank you for entrusting me to their loving care and protection. Now, as they are with You, may they continue to enjoy Your Presence for ever!

As you know, years ago, as a young priest-student I was fortunate to spend a semester in Jerusalem. My memories of the Temple Mount, its surrounding area and Nazareth etc are still very vivid in my mind and in my memories. I do treasure them as consider myself highly privileged.

Oh, Mother, I want let loose my imagination and request your company and to have a Walk a Talk with you around the places you grew up as a little girl, around Jerusalem Temple, around Nazareth etc. I am sure you have reels and reels of memories and much to recall. And I have a lot to ask...

Oh! dear Mother as I wait for you, let me keep humming your, "Magnificat".

"My heart praises the Lord;
My soul is glad because of God my Savior,
for he has remembered me, his lowly servant
From now on all people will call me happy,
because of the great things the Mighty God has done for me.
His name is holy;
from one generation to another
he shows mercy to those who honor him.
He has stretched out his mighty arm
and scattered the proud with all their plans.
He has brought down mighty kings from their thrones,
and lifted up the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things
and sent the rich away with empty hands.
He has kept the promise he made to our ancestors,
and has come to the help of his servant Israel.
He has remembered to show mercy to Abraham
and to all his descendants for ever!"
Dear Jesus, thank you for giving us your Mother as our Mother.
Amen

JoAchen
Sunday, Seventh of September, 2014

PS.
These Reflections are neither pure scientific exegetical interpretations nor highly theological explanations.

They are devotional meditations mainly meant for my personal renewal and spiritual growth and thereby helping me to come closer to my God and to my fellow humans.

Thank you for reading them.

As i keep holding you in my daily prayers, I request you to include me too in yours.
Thank you,
JoAchen

9. My Monologues with a Demon Possessed

My Monologues 9

A demon possessed in the Synagogue
(Mk 1)

It, sure, was a frightening sight! 
She was a real beautiful young girl in her late teens with a sick and pale complexion, yet having a cute little face, sparkling eyes and dry, rosy lips. 

But her head was clean shaven! 

She was very weak, frail and fragile to the point of emaciation. There was some eerie feeling about her. She was skinny-boney. She used to puff and pant frequently.
Very often she would turn violent and would make all sorts of scary noises. She would frequently fly into howelling rage and even utter filthy, abusive language.
On and off, she would produce very coarse voice of a man as well as weird inhuman sounds.

She lived with her parents in our village. Though we kids were not allowed to go anywhere near her house, we used to sneak in just to have a fleeting glimpse of her from a safe distance. She was treated by several physicians but her situation did not improve.
A number of times priests, who were specialized in exorcism, were brought in to pray over her and to drive out the demon in her.
Hardly anyone spoke about her in public and whenever they did, they did it in hushed whisper. It was almost a taboo to talk about.

These are my earliest recollections of a so- called demon possessed person.

Usually, a possessed person tends to be violent and tardy.They are either confined to asylums or they are let off to wander around in the open.

But to find a possessed person in a place like synagogue, a place of prayer and worship, is very unusual.
Elsewhere in the gospel they are found wandering in a cemetery among the tombs or are forced to take refuge with pigs.
Apparently, the demon-possessed brother must have been on his best behavior while sitting in the synagogue.
Or else, he would have been thrown out.
Probably, the rest of the congregation may not have even noticed him as a possessed person.

It is only when he saw you, O Lord, his hitherto hidden identity was revealed.

Lord, why is it so?

How come that a human being, one of your children, is so completely taken over and, so to say, remote-controlled and his life is being ruined by the evil spirit?

Lord, is it his fault?

Lord, how come that an evil spirit is able to have such a sway over a person and torment and forcefully take over his or her life?

How could his or her Creator allow such a thing to happen?

Yes, the Satan did it with Your servant Job.
Sure he did it with your permission, right?
Though your servant Job was not possessed, he was mercilessly tormented.
Despite his persistent pestering you for a satisfactory explanation and for the "why" of it all, he was not given an answer.Though he didn't get an answer, you did not abandon him, right?
You strengthened him to persevere all through his ordeal.
And finally you rewarded him in abundance.
But with regard to this demon possessed brother, you freed him from the shackles of the Evil One. You freed him from the constraints and controls of the demon.
You did it against his wish and will.

Lord, in spite of knowing and acknowledging that you are the Son of God, how come that he did not want to be freed from the clutches of Satan?
It shows that he was totally under the iron grip of the evil one and was unable to make an informed choice, right?
This demon-possessed brother even felt at home in his tormented state. He made it very clear to you that he wanted very much to be left alone and undisturbed. He seemed to be sadistically satisfied with his present pathetic plight.

Dear brother, though you did not want to get rid of the demon who had been possessing you, the Lord of Life forcefully threw him out from your life.

How do you feel now?
Don't you feel relieved?
Don't you feel afresh?
Don't you feel a new beginning, a much better life?
Don't you feel the regret for missing so long this new found peace and joy?
Don't you feel real bad that you resisted the Lord for casting out the demon in you?
Don't you feel immensely grateful to the Lord for forcefully evicting the Evil One from your life?

Dear brother, I love to listen to you and to the saga of your demon-possessed life and the new life the Lord has gifted you with.

Dear brother, I shall spend some time with you in silence.
Do speak to me and share with me all that you love to.
I want to be strengthened by your sharing.

Speak to me, my brother......

Looking at my life, O Lord of Life, I am happily and humbly grateful to you that I am not possessed and my life is not totally taken over by the Evil One.

Thank you Lord, for protecting and preserving me and many others from the slavery of Satan.

But, Lord, I am very much obsessed with all sorts of thoughts and desires which at times end up with compulsive behaviors.
This is a sort of possession in which I am no more in control of myself.

Lord, as I glance through my life, many a times, I have been obsessed with the thoughts of anger, revenge, retaliation, lust, ambition and envy and what not.....
At times I feel powerless against these obsessions.
I feel as if I am under the control of some other powers outside myself.

Oh, Lord,
Many times, I have yielded to them.

Oh, Lord,
I feel guilty!

Oh, my Lord and my God,
"Mea culpa,
Mea culpa,
Mea maxima culpa!"

Oh, my Lord, like the possessed person went unnoticed by the synagogue congregation, others have often failed to notice or suspect me of my obsessions.
I have stage-managed to act myself a good priest.
Yet, whenever I am caught and confronted, I fly into an irrational rage or keep on justifying myself and my actions.
I keep denying or keep blaming others for my failures and misdemeanour.
Lord, I keep strutting around with the borrowed feathers of piety and religion!
Though it is obvious to those who know me, I am naive and oblivious!
l love to lace my conversations with witty asides and thus keep the common folks in good humor.

Lord, that's me many a times!

Lord, do to me as you did it to the possessed brother.
Lord, do order my obsessions to come out of me and leave me.
Lord, you better do it,
not just once,
but as often as it is needed.

Just as the possessed brother was incapable of realizing that he was under the spell of Evil One and just as he never felt the need to be exorcised,

So am I, Lord!

Lord, as you know, there are many of your children like me, who are often obsessed and under the iron grip of the Evil One,

Deliver us, Oh, Lord!

At times I do see the demon controlled aspects of my life and try to make a feeble and often unsuccessful attempt to shrug it away.

"Oh, Lord come to my help!"

Lord, wherever you find me possessed of my obsessions:

Be it in the "Synagogue", of my priestly ministry,
Be it in the "marketplace" of my social life,

Just barge in and bail me out!

Oh, Lord, I want to be "possessed" by:

You
&
You alone!

Lord I want to spend some time in silence, in your presence...

"Speak Lord, your servant is listening."

Amen

JoAchen
Sunday, Fourteenth, September, 2014

PS
These Reflections are neither pure scientific exegetical interpretations nor highly theological explanations.They are my devotional meditations mainly meant for my personal renewal and spiritual growth and thereby helping me to come closer to my God and to my fellow humans.
Thank you for reading them.
As I keep holding you in my daily prayers, I request you to include me too in yours.
Thank you,
JoAchen

10. My Monologues with Levi the Tax Collector

My Monologues 10
&
Matthew the Disciple

Dear Tax Collector Levi, I guess, you must have been quite a rich Jew as you have been collecting taxes for X number of years. They say it was a very coveted post for those craved to make quick and big bucks. By being a tax collector you must have been working for the mighty Romans and for their puppet Herodians.
As I understand, the tax collectors were expected to remit to the Roman authorities an amount fixed in advance as tax money. They were expected to collect this amount from the people. Whatever they are able to collect over and above the fixed amount, would be their so-called salary. The ordinary folks were frightened of you guys as most of you would use force and fleece them to cough up much more. As a group, you were feared, but never revered. You were a hated lot as you connived with Romans in supporting to suppress your fellow Jews and keep occupying their ancestral land by providing them with tax money, right?
The ordinary people never ever saw their Roman Rulers and very seldom got a glimpse of the Herods. For them, you were the visible symbol of their oppression. The patriotic Jews always detested you and your profession and bracketed you along with the sinners,

"tax collectors and sinners", right?

So, whenever they got a sure and certain opportunity to attack you, they made use of it. Usually, you were safe due to the power, position and the protection you got from the ruthless Roman Army.
Some of the bible pundits think you may have heard of Jesus and may have even listened to some of his discourses or you may have even met him and got acquainted with him. Somehow you began to admire and like him, right?
As Jesus used to be around Capernaum for his ministry of healing and preaching the Good News, he must have noticed you sitting by the tax booth and marked you out.
One day as you were collecting the taxes, out of the blue, he came up to you and told:

"Follow me"

Dear friend, how and what did you feel when he called you?
What was your initial reaction?
shock?
surprise?
confusion?
happiness?
a mixture of all the above?

Whatever might have your initial reaction been,
one thing is certain:
as soon as he called you to follow him,
you just put in your papers and called it a day.
You did it without any further ado!
Remember, the job you had as the tax collector was a permanent one. Without any hesitation you left the financial security which your job has been providing you.
It is very courageous of you to have left a secure present for an uncertain future, to forgo a steady income for no financial profit. The cost you had to pay to follow Jesus is almost unmatched.
Dear friend, why did you do it?
Despite the money you made and the support you enjoyed from the ruling class, were you happy?
If you were happy and content you would not have left your job, right?
It looks like you had reached a stage in your life where money and position did not bring you much of happiness. As a tax collector you have been treating the common folks with cruelty and the injustice. Slowly and steadily, it began to prick your conscience, right? And then comes Jesus. He did strike the iron while it was hot!
And you quit!
Levi, your decision to follow him was a very drastic one. Unlike many of the other disciples who could have gone back to their fishing business any time they wanted, you could not as there may not be any vacancy.
Remember, some of them went back to their fishing even after the resurrection of their Master!
Levi, even if you were to go back, it would have been difficult for you to get your job back as it was a coveted and much sought after post by the greedy.

Probably the only thing you took along from your job was your "pen" which was used for writing the tax records, right?

Levi, it seems you were destined to use your "pen" and your record keeping skills to keep the recording of the "Good News"of your Master.

As you started serving your New Master, you had a new identity and a new name, right?
Levi the Tax Collector becomes Matthew the Disciple.
Oh, my friend, how i wish!
I could transform the hardened sinner in me into a committed disciple like you!
How I wish to replace the Roman and Herodian Masters in my life with Jesus as my Master and Messiah!

Dear disciple Matthew, you did it so quickly and consistently, right?
While, here I am!
Still struggling and inconsistent for well over sixty years!

Once again, I renew my resolve to keep trying!

Dear disciple Matthew, soon after the Lord called you to follow him, you turned around and called upon the Lord and invited him home to be your guest of honour and to grace the banquet. You invited many of your friends and relations so as to introduce your New Master and let them know about the
"U Turn" you had taken and the radical change of your profession.

Dear disciple Matthew, you were no more stuck and sitting in the same tax booth of your sin.
Instead you started your pilgrimage of transformation by travelling with your Master and Lord!

In my case, though years ago, I have started my journey with Jesus my Master, I continue to leave him on and off and go back frequently to sit in the tax booth of my sins!
I keep repeating these flip-flops!

Matthew, that's me, many a time!

Dear disciple Matthew, I do want to spend some time with you in silence and want to listen to you.
Do share with me:

your "before" and "after" experiences,
as a tax collect and as a disciple. ......

My Lord and my Master,
the way you dealt with Levi amazes me.
You saw him,
You met him,
You commanded him to follow you!

It was neither a request
nor an invitation!
It was a simple and straight forward command!

As per the narration,
You never preached him Repentance!
You never admonished him to mend his ways!
You never gave him any Punishment!
You never asked him to do any Penance!

You just asked him to follow you!
You accepted him as he was.
You took him the way you found him.
This is your Unconditional Acceptance of him, right?

My Lord and my Master, as I look at my life, there was and is a Levi in me.
He has been very much alive in my life.
Though I have responded your call to be a a priest-disciple and have been "functioning" so for almost forty years, often I go back to sit in the booth of tax the collector!
You are very much aware of it, Aren't you?
Yet you have been very patient with the Levi in me!
You keep waiting for him to quit the tax booth.
It humbles me to keep remembering your immense patience with me.

"What thanks can I render You, Oh my God."

My Lord and my Master,
whenever you catch me sitting in the booth of the tax collector,
Do just pull me out,
and put me back on the path of my pilgrimage of inner healing and spiriual growth.
place me right behind you as you travel around bringing healing and happiness to many.

My Lord and Master, do keep an eye on me!

Jesus, my Lord and Master,
I do want to sit in your presence in silence for a while..
and listen to you..

Narrate to me and remind me of the number of times you have been patiently pulling me out of my tax collector's booth.
Let me keep dwelling on your loving and forgiving
Unconditional Acceptance of me!
Amen!

JoAchen
Sunday, September 21, 2014
on the Feast of St. Mathew

PS
These Reflections are neither pure scientific exegetical interpretations nor highly theological explanations.
They are my devotional meditations mainly meant for my personal renewal and spiritual growth and thereby helping me to come closer to my God and to my fellow humans.
Thank you for reading them.
As I keep holding you in my daily prayers, I request you to do the same for me.
Thank you!